tales from rebekah

Tick Tock...the time runs out

2011-11-07T04:36:00.000-08:00

Met up recently with another friend of mine.

She has plans to get married but NO money.

It's really sad when couples like this crave so long for this day,

only to have their hopes dampen due to the expensive housing in Singapore.

And so, tick tock the time runs out as I find my determination to hang on slipping away.

My strength being sapped away day by day.

All in the name of FAITH..

all in the name of faith...

Green Eyed Monster

2011-10-13T07:55:00.000-07:00

Old habits die hard.

The green eyed monster is back and more aggressive than ever.

But there's always 2 sides to a coin and its precisely because of such envy I get to see a clearer picture.

Prayfully all things will work out to be fine and jealousy will stir you into action and eventually a long awaited breakthrough.

Nothing is prefect Mr Caution. Time for your turn to be green.

The Foong Family left their trails in Hong Kong!

2011-10-03T05:24:00.000-07:00

Hong Kong Trails Slideshow: The’s trip from Singapore to Hong Kong, China was created by TripAdvisor. See another Hong Kong slideshow. Create a free slideshow with music from your travel photos.

What's tugging at your heart strings?

2011-09-08T22:03:00.000-07:00

Recently was doing my QT when I came across this article regarding feeling the nudge from God.

The article ended with the thought provoking question if I could felt any nudges from God recently.

As I sit back and reflect upon the recent happenings, bit by bit little episodes do make a little sense to me.

Nothing romantic, mainly practical issues that I have to face if we were to truly be together.

1. Independence strongly required

Was speaking to my GB captain the other day when she casually remarked how she gets home and cook dinner only to wait till 9pm before her husband returns from the hospital.

Have been going about running my errands all by myself this entire week. If not for the closeness with God, doubt I can feel satisfied inside. But thank God for His words which has filled up the empty spaces in my mind.

Was riding the escalator up LOT1 the other day when I suddenly had a thought which said:"You've got to learn to settle ALOT of stuff by yourself if you really wanted to be with him."

2. More money desperately required

Mum has been reminding me to save money and yes indeed I do resolute to do so after my Europe and Cameron highlands trip :p.

Why so? Visited my newly-wed captain (the same one) who has this beautiful designed apartment. Was so inspired, it revived my interest in interior design once again. And of course, such beauty doesn't come cheap. Which once again reminds me, if I were to seriously get married, time to save up!

3. More sacrifices ever required

Was sending back some students home the other day when I had the sudden thought that if I were to be married and become a mum, this was the kind of lifestyle I had to be prepared to go through - doing housework / fetching kids up and down / MUCH lesser "me time" and more time invested in children's studies.

Putting up with his old habits and negative traits, praying for his shortcomings, patience from me to tolerate and be forbearing.

4. Periodic pop ups of his presence

Last but not least, have been bumming into places which held certain meaning to me regarding him. His first official treat for me was at this eatery called Mr Bean (JP branch):

It wasn't deliberate just something natural. We both were early, or rather the sister was late. Awkward silence between us and suddenly he asked if I had dinner or not. Me no as usual, he insisted on getting me something. So we roamed around and I chose Mr Bean. Ordered 1 pancake and drink, he was on the phone with the sister and when we finally get to pay he realised that I only took these 2 items. Insisted that I get more and I frantically said no. Cashier lady kept smiling at us both, me embarrassed, he sweet.

Though it probably didn't mean anything much to him or he probably would have forgotten, its really these little things about him that touches.

I really do not know what the future holds. As I said, I've liked, I've gave up, I've moved up and yet I'm back. If not for the Lord's steering, I will not reconsider at all. But what the future holds, only the Lord knows. And as mentioned, I'm quite determine to make a final decision by end Nov.

No progress, no beginning.

Break Ups

2011-08-28T06:59:00.000-07:00

An immensely poignant topic.

Recently got to know of two break ups and one beginning of a new r/s.

Funny thing is that, I was kind of sensing that something was amiss for the break ups even way before I got to know it myself.

Told Dad that this was a natural woman's instinct but he told me, it was a sensitivity built up over years of heartaches and experience.

His words stopped me in my train of thoughts and got me thinking hard.

As I self reflect, the changes that take place inside became more obvious: I was definitely more mature in the way I handled things, willing to compromise & understand where guys are coming from but most imptly, entrust my future in God's hands now.

I do feel sad for these ex-couples yet on the other hand, rejoice for their success stories. Success because the r/s has mould them into better beings, helped them to understand what they want clearer so that they can look forward to a improved self in the next r/s.

Then I thought about us. The many years of waiting, pondering and praying and still no progress despite the recent phone call you made due to my chronic illness.

This incident only helped me to realise why the inclination yet the situation remains as stagnant as ever. And as new people begin to trickle into my life, I pray that my eyes can be opened to see His direction, to hold or not to hold.

-Amen-

Taking a sabbatical break

2011-08-09T21:42:00.000-07:00

Recently got in touch with a number of brothers and sisters who happen to arrive at their breaking point all about the same time. Can't help but feel that in this particular period of our lives where so many things are taking place, its inevitable that one feels drained and no more can be given back to the ministry.

Was doing my QT today, lo and behold for the first time I realised that the bible does approach this topic - serving with wisdom to sustain for the long run.

It was derived from the record of Moses's father in law giving him some timely advice on how to delegate this duties so as not to tire himself out. The text from Exodus 18:13-27 sounds so surreal I could even imagine my dad speaking to me in the exact same words (taking it out of context of course).

Bottom line: its crucial that we learn to prioritise and delegate or let go so that we do not wear ourselves. As I thought about this, I remembered about my letting go of the children choir ministry - how it was settled and then how it came back to square one when my substitute decided to back out last minute. Definitely not a responsible move but I guess it was much better for her to say No now then to get tired and be angry with God in future. (that happens!)

Lord, more often than not I need that wisdom too.

Realised that I've been taking up more than I can handle most of the time, out of convenience.

"If we don't come apart and rest awhile, we may just plain come apart." - Havner

Valentine's Radio

2011-06-19T09:12:00.001-07:00

Chanced upon this 90s popular jap pop.

Love the quirky chords, the tune keeps ringing in my head.

Brings back loads of memories of my jap drama chasing days back in 1995.

Exhilarated

2011-05-26T08:12:00.001-07:00

Hannah Got into NTU-ADM

Her first choice somemore :)

Praise be to God!

Forgiveness

2011-05-13T17:47:00.000-07:00

Nothing happened recently that requires my attention on this issue

However, the quiet time article had me thinking hard about this:

I was very caught up in this matter 4 years back during my last semester

of my sophomore year.

It was quite a difficult phrase as I have been grievously wrong and felt really defendless.

The person who started it all was a sister-in-christ whom I felt really disgusted with thereafter.

What strike me in particular was this quote by Corrie Ten Boom:

(A christian woman who survived the Holocaust)

"Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free, and to realize the prisoner is you."

What a poignant statement.

True forgiveness comes when we experience the freedom from the anger, bitterness and hurt that previously imprisoned us.

So forgiveness is indeed a long process as mentioned in the bible Matt. 18:21-22

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sin against me? Up to seven times?"

Jesus answered, " I tell you not seven times, but seven times seven times."

Jesus's reply make it clear that forgiveness does not come by easy. It may be a life long process but it matters to the Lord that we come to settle this issue for good eventually in our hearts.

受宠若惊

2011-05-12T07:05:00.000-07:00

最近一直在面书上收到他的留言

原本以为只是三两句却演变成每日的回应。

他的积极确实让我难以招架，

毕竟他已冷淡了这么多年。

也因如此，我更要谨慎处理。

其实，两人都到这个年龄，若认真看待之间的事也很自然。

我真希望事情有所突破但并非我意念而是顺着您的计划。

Romans 12:15

2011-05-10T08:34:00.000-07:00

One of my favourite verse in the bible:

"Celebrate with those who celebrate, cry with those who cry"

Such a simple but powerful statement.

How many a times, we're simply so quick to heap our words of wisdom to people who's been utterly torn apart by woes of the world, troubles of the heart. Yet we've lacked the most crucial ingredient - empathy.

Spoke to a fren on her recent painful experience with her crush. Who has crushed her spirits totally. And doesn't that seem vaguely familiar.

Flash back to 2 years back, mid 2009. I finally broke the silence and spoke to him only to fall flat after his ambiguous reply (which was no). Then there was the heart wrenching discovery of Mum contracting breast cancer, on top of that I was overwhelmed with endless reports and exams preparations all due at the same time.

Looking back, there was no way I could have endured without your strength.

Fast forward to 2011.

I have every reason to be hateful but I thank God I wasn't.

He's still a friend and up till recently, we seem to be on good terms.

But its a guarded relationship that I tread with caution due to the bad experience and I don't think I'm wrong in doing so. While Hannah mentions that he has been taking initiative, way much better than the past, I can't help but often ask - is it so?

Even as I wait, I try to wait with joy and wisdom. Its tough, but definitely possible with your providence.

=Praise be to God=

淡中带甜

2011-05-01T07:25:00.000-07:00

难以解释这感觉

但一丝的幸福感让我倍感开心

瞬间的注视、简单的慰问-甜

但愿彼此有同感

“辩”幻莫测

2011-05-01T07:11:00.000-07:00

今天好不容易终于完成辩论会

昨晚熬夜到凌晨2.30am的努力总算没白费。

不过，挺惊讶自己能够获得“最佳辩手”的荣誉

毕竟我确实是临时抱耶稣脚，真是惭愧。

但看到大家为着这次辩论那么努力，确实感到特别感动、欣慰。

有努力，才有精彩。

Brave on!

2011-04-30T04:02:00.000-07:00

Have been losing touch with my QT for some time.

And as I read on the article today, can't help but realized how every article

speaks at the most timely moments on a certain weakness and aspect of my life.

Love especially the bottomline:

"Standing on the truth doesn't get you out of the fight, but it does give you the strength to stand your ground. Listen to God's words, not Satan's lies."

I've kind of given up recently on that particular aspect of my life.

Perhaps as everything has become so mundane so draining, I've began to slow down or even stop in my tracks.

I was really happy hearing how my friend finally receive her long awaited confession from the boy she likes so much. And lo and behold, wasn't I right when I conclude he was simply avoiding her because of the strong emotions he felt for her rather than against her.

On one hand I was really happy, on the other hand I couldn't help but felt sorry for myself as well. I guess when you've reached a certain age and people around you are always so occupied and there you are, musing around on the weekends (when not working) if not grabbing your sibling for company, one can't help but feel like a loser.

I've fallen so many times and how I wished I could stand up tall and proud in the Lord once again. Thank you for the reassurance that victory is ours even when things look so bleak.

Have A Good Life

2011-04-28T08:18:00.000-07:00

"Have a Good Life"（電影《戀人絮語》主題曲）

作曲：范曉萱
作詞：范曉萱
主唱：林智娟 DD (范曉萱媽媽)

Some people never been loved
Some people tasted too much
Some people had it too tough
Some people are good at that

Someone may forgive their wrong
Even they hurt'em so bad
Someone maybe oblivious
Someone just choose to trust

Hello! Stranger! It's so nice to meet you
Hello! Lover! It's so nice to have you
Hello! Beautiful! It's so nice to know you
Hello! Not so well! It's so nice to hug you

Someone is having their fun
Someone's world came undone
Some people just have had enough
Someone is lost in the fluff

Hello! Stranger! It's so nice to meet you
Hello! Lover! It's so nice to have you
Hello! Beautiful! It's so nice to know you
Hello! Not so well! It's so nice to hug you

Some people are never apart
Some people don't have a heart
Someone just had to give it up
Find the next station to love

(Have a good day )
(Have a good night)
(Have a good life)

~Golden Age of 26~

2011-04-23T08:20:00.001-07:00

Enjoyed a rocking 26.

Its my golden age of 26

My entrance to a new chapter soon.

Retro Childhood!

2011-04-16T08:36:00.000-07:00

Recently shared bout my fave childhood cartoons to my class

Lo and Behold they actually went online to check it out.

And frankly, I was so touched and inspired...

Out of my curiosity, I actually went online to relive the good old times.

Woohoo and here's TWO of my most most MOST fave cartoon openings!!!

Catchy Animaniacs Intro:

Pinky and the Brain Intro - Coolest Lab Mice

Enjoy.

Wishlist

2011-04-07T08:40:00.000-07:00

IOS wishlist:

1) Chaos Ring
~~2) Dream Chronicles~~
3) Assassin Creed II: Discovery
3) Devil May Cry 4
4) Final Fantasy 3
~~5) The Graveyard~~
~~6) Hector: 2 episodes~~
7) Hysteria Project*
8) Johnny two shoes
9) The 7th Guest*
10) Shadow Guardian
11) Silent hill : the Escape
12) Simon the socerer
13) Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Velocity
14) Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
15) Taiko no Tasujin (Jap app store) + Plus
16) Where's Waldo

*Compatible only with IOS 4 (mine's 3.0)
Striked titles have been owned (no puns intended)

April Fools

2011-04-07T08:14:00.000-07:00

Why are we fools in love?

So many wishes, so many thoughts yet so little time.

Rushing through my weekly routine like nobody's business.

Popping down onto the bed whenever I return home.

I wish we could really speak and share and laugh all the bad memories off

-together-

Courtesy from Hannah

2011-03-31T21:58:00.000-07:00

3 days of hard work, 3 bags of chocolate pls 1 broken camera stand (mine somemore) =

Enjoy.

Profiling a man

2011-03-22T07:03:00.001-07:00

Recently met up with a couple of pals.

Pals whom I've kinda grew up from my teenage hood into my adulthood.

And its kinda sad as they begin to fade out of the fellowship scene deliberately.

It's a unanimous response that...

- lost that sense of belonging

- felt disappoint with others

- felt judged & far from Christ

- drained out, needs a break

It first started with my JC pal, then a close sister, then a brother and now another sister.

Its really really sad when these were people whom you've once kinda take for granted that they'll be around for a long long time.

And whats left now, is hardly a handful.

I feel the burden and calling to reach out for these people yet can't help but feel at a loss to what I can do or say. I've once tried and failed miserably.

I wished I could speak to him about this. After all, we've belonged to the same batch, grew up together in a way and there's literally only me, him and another pal left.

As I analyze the issue, the only reason why I figured out that he's still around is simple because he's a twee wee less emotion, twee wee more rational, and ever ready to do the right thing as a matter of fact.

I guess perhaps adopting a robotic outlook in life isn't that bad after all.

April Anxiety

2011-03-22T06:57:00.000-07:00

In a winking of an eye and it'll soon be April

My bday month.

Its really a mixture of emotions as April

1) Has no holidays

2) Easter performance and Easter enrolment back to back

3) I'm really 26

So you see, I wonder to embrace or repel the arrival of April.

I once prayed that something special may take place by 2011

but till now I've yet, I repeat, YET to sense any thing arriving.

Everything is strangely stagnant other than my hectic work schedule.

突发奇想

2011-03-21T01:00:00.000-07:00

最近产生了好些突发奇想

不知为何，总有种莫名“好事临近”的感觉。

但当自己冷静后，又觉得可能事情没那么顺利

不晓得该喜或悲，但是人生的变化总是无常。

为何总是觉得我们彼此之间看似近、却是远？

明明两人就只差一步。

真的好累，别想了。

STOP

2011-03-21T00:16:00.000-07:00

Have been so overwhelm with the recent PTM project.

Beginning to feel the discomfort of being someone in charge.

Its NOT easy selling the idea and convincing others to been responsible

after all, its ever so convenient to push the blame to something

or someone else.

I need a cuppa tea.

:[

2011-03-11T08:28:00.000-08:00

Recently felt really overwhelmed with additional workload.

Looking at my projects at hand:

1) PTM

2) Drill Competition

3) Easter Enrollment

4) GB Week

5) Easter Day Performance

6) E-learning Week

7) P3 Learning Journey

8) MT week - P3 competition

9) SEM

10) CIP

11) P3 SA2

All these minus the church commitments I have at hand.

1) Choir sectionals (piano)

2) Children's Choir Accompaniment

3) Choir Member

4) Choir small group

5) Choir secretary

6) Fellowship Prog.

7) Prayer Meeting Pianist

Listing it out does really help abit though I must say.

But then again, it reminds me how little time I have and yet so much to do.

Randoms

2011-01-15T08:05:00.000-08:00

Bought Hannah this extremely Kawaii dressy top!

Oooo and I'm going for the laid back style recently :]

Was in love with yesterday's daily bread article:

"The circumstances in our lives

Seem random and unplanned;

But someday we will surely see

The order of God's hand"

A timely reminder for a weary heart.

Pain in the ***

2011-01-13T07:17:00.000-08:00

It's been the start of 2011 and I'm already feeling overwhelmed.

Have yet to list down my duties proper, thought I might as well do so

So here it goes...

Work:

1) Teacher for P3 / P4 & P5

2) ICT committee 2nd i/c

3) PLC Chinese Dept rep

4) P3 CL rep

5) GB Primary i/c [workload x5]

6) CL learning portal i/c

7) PLC i/c

8) CNY concert 2nd i/c

9) P5 ICT i/c

Church:

1) Choir member

2) Choir publicity

3) Children Choir pianist

4) Fellowship programme i/c

5) Prayer meeting pianist

Others:

1) Hallelujah member

Family:

1) Daughter to mum and dad

2) Sister to younger sister

Mmm I don't know why but listing down makes wonders.

I do feel slightly lightened after looking at my scope. It's not that heavy after all!

Ok no, just that I get a clearer scope on what I'm doing.

AND to think someone had the nerve to ignore my sms and tell me he was too busy to respond.

This kind should be strike by lightning. What a pain in the ***

snapped

2011-01-10T07:42:00.000-08:00

He snapped at us today.

Ridiculous act ever.

He's being unreasonable big time.

He's really not nice though his organic maple syrup was.

Oh wells, I guess we can't have both worlds can we?

when God ignores

2010-12-28T08:49:00.000-08:00

Was reading through this article on ODJ site today.

Feels exactly what I'm going through.

Wouldn't dare say that God ignores since I know he HAS been answering my cries.

He is concerned but has chosen not to answer my prayers for now.

When I ask how why who when where?

He tells me to be still. (Psalm 46:10)

I felt that I've been traveling and struggling through a desert

of say 3 years? Feeling exactly like the Israelites wandering in the wilderness for 40 years

due to their stubbornness. Now I fear the same for me.

Am I the one ignoring God's signs and help?

Have I been too adamant on setting my sights just on one?

I'm quite lost to be honest. Perhaps I have the key to the answer?

But then when I ask God for answer, he told me to be still again.

Twice I'm getting it. How can I not keep quiet?

Kiss Me

2010-12-27T19:17:00.000-08:00

Miss me. Love me. Kiss me.

Love

2010-12-27T19:14:00.000-08:00

Love is like playing the piano

First you must learn to play by the rules

Then you must forget the rules and play from your heart.

Thoughts

2010-12-27T08:14:00.000-08:00

Waiting aimlessly as usual.

When will these end?

I wonder was it my stubbornness that kept the pain.

But if 2 will make 4 miserable, does that mean 1's sacrifice will make 3 happy.

Should I be the 1?

Smile

2010-12-27T08:01:00.000-08:00

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

A seemingly simple statement that evokes such strong sentiments.

packed!

2010-12-10T07:24:00.000-08:00

Looking at my schedule,

it's basically packed everyday.

Wow and to think I was moaning that it would be an uneventful Dec holidays.

tsk tsk...

Maple Treat

2010-12-02T18:10:00.000-08:00

Recently someone was going overseas to Canada.

Me excitedly requested for some maple leafs....

as I wanted to laminate and make beautiful bookmarks out of it.

Unfortunately it's -20 degrees over there.

Maybe he can scout from the dumpsters, chances might be higher.

The alternative offered by him is maple syrup.

Let's see whether it happens or history might just repeat itself.

Cut from my heart

2010-12-02T02:02:00.000-08:00

Has been recently into Kirigami and Scherenschnitte

They're both paper cutting from different countries obviously.

I'm a fan of paper cutting, has a collage of Chinese wanyang paper cuttingS in my room.

Framed it up with a beautiful Ikea frame I bought.

Just completed a bday card for Ma. I'm really impressed with my own work.

Shall update it on my blog soon :]

To do or not to do

2010-12-01T09:07:00.000-08:00

Have been rotting away the past few days.

Time to list out a chunk of incomplete errands that has been put on hold.

~~1) Formulate a feedback form for fellowship *Urgent~~

2) Update CPF retirement plan status * Need to go down CPF board

~~3) Try my hand at kirigami bday cards (something I've been wanting to do for a long time!)~~

4) Brainstorm on GB programme 2011

5) Prepare some simple worksheets and ppts for my P3 & P4 class 2011

5) Shed some pounds ~ 3 kg *Swim & Dance*

6) Finish up my Vienna travel guide

7) Complete my Jazz hymns online purchase and practise it for prayer meeting

8) Pray and invite friends to our church's evangelistic event

9) Keep praying on my future

10) Bring ma out on the flyer trip (I won the Macdonalds 1 for 1 flyer prize !)

11) Go down to ION prologue and purchase that 绘本 with my $10 voucher

12) ~~Reorganize my wardrobe~~ and store up on staples

13) Get that pair of nice black heels I've been eyeing from Bata

14) Meet up with friends - NIE / Limei / Sara / Secondary pals / JC - Hamilia

Loads of stuff to complete and yet so broke.

Haiz, why is 12 Dec so faraway?

On eagles' wings

2010-11-29T07:23:00.000-08:00

Weeping the other night when I recalled this song which I sang 1 year ago at a colleague's funeral.

It was a tragic departure for her husband who got caught in a robbery gunfire.

Too sudden for comprehension and acceptance.

To think my spirit would hit rock bottom and here I am singing to the tune as tears flow down my cheeks endlessly.

On Eagles Wings

How timely, esp when I feel like a chicken right now.

After thoughts

2010-11-29T06:11:00.000-08:00

Recently received an overwhelming amount of wedding invitations.

Mum has been nagging me too in the midst of all these mayhem.

How can I tell her to stop being too concerned.

I've enough on my hands for now to be worried.

I'm anxious too but there's no way I can do anything about it.

So tired of waiting. So tired.

Perhaps this is part of the Lord's happiness plan.

But why am I suffering?

A happiness plan that causes pain.

The biggest irony of my life.

Mad rush

2010-10-07T06:33:00.000-07:00

Its been ages since I last wrote.

Was reminiscing about the good old days where I had the luxury of time to blog about the little things of life.

Recently received two wonderful letters of GREAT news :]

1 - increment 2 - pay raise due to promotion.

Bad news is that - Car Insurance (appro 2K due in Nov) / 4 weddings year end / Air con repairs

So its a situation of plus and minus = zero.

Moving on...

Have been thinking about traveling ALOT.

Wished that I could move around the globe, meet new faces and then miss my family that much I learn to appreciate what I can behold at present.

Anyway I think I own all an update on my status = Heart's at its cleanest state for once

See that sunny scene above, thats how I'm feeling inside too.

-Load free for once-

I wonder how long it can last, with the increasing amount of people around me getting hitched and/or settling down. But I truly thank God for the inner peace experienced inside. I won't deny the stress and reminiscence at times but what wasn't mine will never be.

So now, its back to waiting. And while God mentions Obviously through various channels that its a matter of time and a lesson of patience, I shall hope with expectancy without the least idea of who it might be or when it may take place.

Faith, believing without seeing.

John 20:29 “Blessed are they that have not seen and yet have believed.”

Wow

2010-03-31T04:12:00.001-07:00

I've got promoted!

This is indeed a very pleasant surprise.

Though I'm quite certain all my friends am going to get it. But oh wells.

Haha I'm just very happy that I have a few extra bucks to spare.

As for him.

Hmm.

Hannah's certain it's doomed from the start and I can't help but feel I seem to live up to her expectations.

You

2010-02-19T09:33:00.000-08:00

are not supposed to enter my life.

But I'm glad you did.

Time will tell whether we'll be more than glad.

Looking back

2009-12-21T04:57:00.000-08:00

2009 is drawing to an end.

As 2010 approaches so is the weight of my mental load.

As usual, I'll always state out the new duties thats awaiting for me.

But to break from the norm, there's a long list of things that I should reflect upon and learn to give thanks for the past 2009.

1) Our family finally fulfilled a free and easy trip to HK.

Thank my parents for believing in me, for allowing me to lead the family even though I knew how dearly they preferred a group trip.

2) Graduated successfully with second uppers.

Was having a extremely tough time juggling between my mum's condition, family commitments and academics. But I thank my family for being so understanding and meticulous.

3) Mum recovering well from her treatment

Its been a long grueling journey the entire family went through. Though its not exactly finally over, I thank God that the first operation was a success and she has been on the road of recovery and even doing a public testimony on how the Lord has blessed her and helped her to appreciate more on the little things of life.

4) Posted to MGS primary

Never imagined being posted to a school which was so close to being my alma mater. Looking back, I'm more or less a home bred methodist - kinergarden , primary and secondary. It was until JC i chose to go somewhere else. Anyway, its been a great learning experience over here, with its rich christian culture. I'm glad I'm able to be in a comfortable environment.

5) Made friends at work.

Thank God for friendships at work. Though there be times of the usual politics, but so far God has been merciful to me. And I continue to pray for that reliance on him and to believe that He'll preserve and lead me to do his work.

6) Able to do what I feel comfortable and passionate about.

I've met up with old pals and the most common thing that our conversation will lead to is them finding out what they want to do in life. I think I'm really one fortunate girl, being able do what I love at such a tender age. Teaching is something I've always been passionate about and something I can bravely say for now that is something I can do for life.

Unless the Lord open doors and call for me.

7) Leading the alto group in song prac

An honour to me totally. To be able to lead the alto group musically. Though sometimes I'm not to sure whether I do a good job or not, but hopefully its sufficient.

8) Pianist for Children's Choir and Prayer meeting

I always love playing the piano, doing accompaniment or just singing together with a bunch of friends. And frankly, I know I'm not the best pianist around. Everyone has different style, and I always opt for the simpler one, though I must admit I'm not that good at conjuring all the majestic chords. Still, just being given a chance to serve in what I love, I thank God. And after awhile, I do honestly feel more confident and at ease at the grand.

9) Daddy finding 2 stalls just before he says goodbye to HDB

Dad has been with HDB for more than a decade. And i can remember explicitly round 6 months ago how anxious he was about not being able to find another place to continue. Mum's condition isn't good and treatment isn't cheap so it was natural that he would worry. Frankly, I really admire my dad's inner strength and determination to sustain the family. Always keep silent about the problems so that Mum wouldn't worry, I kind of knew he was near to breaking point when he spoke to me. I guess, being the eldest does have its advantage and responsibility. I'm glad he perceive me as a fit listener and equal to comprehend and share his burdens.

10) Getting a family car

I've always wanted to purchase a car ever since I started work this year. I guess I always saw the need for a family car and since I was the only driver in the family, it's natural that I should shoulder the cost of the car. Frankly, another thing that made me so determined to purchase a car is all due to the weekly post choir episode. I guess as a daughter, it really pains me to see my dad hopping around, asking rides from others. It's really not because of the poor replies we're getting but that as I see how my tired dad has to humble himself and ask around, that made me told myself that its TIME I do something for them in return. And what more than a car that bring convenience to every member of the house.

Of course there's still more to thank God for. But for now, I'll just stick to the top ten major events that took place this year.

Slipped away

2009-09-28T20:03:00.000-07:00

I once came across an article which characterize the males as the hunters

while the females as the preys.

In other words, we wait to be hunted. While the hunters take their own sweet time to strategize and pounce on the seemingly right moments.

Which leads me to ponder, if a hunter was to be so hesitant in the first place

why should the prey stupidly waits on the spot to be consumed.

Move on, run, stroll off.

Whatever it is. If a hunter has to think twice about pouncing, then you aren't worth the sweat in the first place. And one will be an airhead to prance around in his presence, dying to be killed.

The man who wasn't there

2009-09-28T07:59:00.001-07:00

As I was going up the stairs
I saw a man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
I wish, I wish, he’d stay away.

--Antigonish, William H. Mearns

Vaguely simple yet creepy at the same time. drawing one to make endless conclusions.

Came across a haunting tune composed by uprising star Oren Lavie "The man who isn't there".

Look at the sky
It belonged to a guy
That I know
And I thought I forgot
Long ago

Look at the trees
Didnt stop at the top
Not for him
Used to borrow the wind
For a walk

Look in his eyes for a dying flare
Look for the wind in his yellow hair
And pretend
You see the man
Who isnt there

Look at the sea
used to save all his waves
for hellos
used to climb up
his highs, down his lows

Look at the birds
used to flock as he walked
through the street
used to fly down
and march at his feet

Look in his eyes for a dying flare
Look for the wind in his yellow hair
And pretend
You see the man
Who isnt there

Kinda hynoptised by the melody. Its tune ringing in my mind.

Reminded me of how I longed for your presence yet you were always fading away

just like the "man who wasn't and isn't there".

Rushing through the winds of life

2009-09-25T20:57:00.000-07:00

There 's quite a far bit of rushing recently.

And to vent it out, i've been popping up with seemingly nuggests of wisdom

on facebook which sounds extremely stupid after a couple of days.

GB annual concert was placed in my charge.

Now am pretty anxious because I have no idea how to

go about doing so.

Thats when God intervenes isn't it.

I'm nothing yet He's everything.

Thank God for Him.

Then I have been really confused with things as well.

Its a vicious cycle repeating for different people in my life.

And thats really scary because I can't help but wonder whats the problem with me.

Fine

2009-09-22T07:34:00.000-07:00

Threading along the outline of my memories

I saw the silhouette of you waving

you beckon and laughed with glee

Yet all I did was to flee

From your joy.

Simple pleasant and moving

2009-09-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

An awesomely innovative MTV of "Her Morning Elegance" by Oren Lavie

All done with simple stop motion

The simplicity of it is simply alluring.

Sun been down for days
A pretty flower in a vase
A slipper by the fireplace
A cello lying in its case

Soon she's down the stairs
Her morning elegance she wears
The sound of water makes her dream
Awoken by a cloud of steam
She pours a daydream in a cup
A spoon of sugar sweetens up

And She fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
As it pours
And she fights for her life
As she goes in a store
With a thought she has caught
By a thread
She pays for the bread
And She goes...
Nobody knows

Sun been down for days
A winter melody she plays
The thunder makes her contemplate
She hears a noise behind the gate
Perhaps a letter with a dove
Perhaps a stranger she could love

And She fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
As it pours
And she fights for her life
As she goes in a store
With a thought she has caught
By a thread
She pays for the bread
And She goes...
Nobody knows

And She fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
As it pours
And she fights for her life
Where people are pleasently strange
And counting the change
And She goes...
Nobody knows

Empty joy

2009-09-19T09:35:00.000-07:00

Have been so tired after sucha long break from blogger.

Thanks to opera, a totally new internet browser my fren recommended me.

I'm able to blog once again.

Life has been pretty busy and mundane.

This is just a try out. I'm typing the typical moans and groans which I dont really endure.

And so it seems

2009-08-07T19:04:00.000-07:00

First time debut at prayer meeting yesterday evening.

Screwed up one of the openings for a particular piece.

I still lack flexibility and experience according to mum.

I guess its something that has to be acquired overtime.

After all, I kinda started later than all the church pianist.

But its indeed a very humbling experience, to remind me that God is indeed the one we glorify.

There'll never be an absolute way we can please everyone.

Which makes me now kinda anxious for the upcoming children's choir presentation.

Better go practise more dilligently. Ha!

Blogger down?

2009-08-03T08:01:00.000-07:00

Whatever happened to blogger's sub-functions like photo uploading, video attachment....simple add-ons like fonts and stuff. Gosh, no wonder ma and dad never trust technology. Would be much better if I were to stick to my diary instead ha.

Pushed myself to write after such a long while as I slowly realized my English was deteriorating. Hate to admit, but it's never easy to be an effective bilingual. Stop using one language and you'll just find urself scratching head at some of the easiest spellings.

Entering the sixth week of my teaching career. Life has been pretty eventful and ac-hoc as ever since my p3 class got suspended due to a massive outbreak of fever and flu. And thankfully, I was never for once affected by the virus bug. (Thanks to the sufficient amount of rest I make sure I get in order to build up my immunity system).

Ironically life for me has been slightly more disciplined ever since I started working. Mum's organic dinner, 1.5litres water per day, less food cravings and minimum 8 hrs of rest per day. I do feel its wonderful effect! "] No wonder mum felt that I've actually lost some weight ever since the start of school.

Btw, something interesting happened to me recently. I wonder why, but God does open alot of doors and seems to give us the option to choose. Though I've made my choice quite sometime ago, but more often than not He seems to be pointing me towards one particular pathway which is well, not exactly my initial choice.

Shall continue praying for it shall I. Never been so hopeful.

2009-07-18T10:21:00.000-07:00

life has been pretty mundane.

Am rushing through my scheme of work week after week
feel quite guilty for making my p3 especially to go through such dry lessons.

Am rushing, no choice for fun group work when there's endless enrichment stuff to cover.

Its been a difficult week of learning to put up with "take you for granted" colleagues.
It's not that bad, just that I find it trying. A good learning process.

Caught myself asking and checking out quite abit on mission coporations nowadays.

But am I truly ready?

I doubt so. Cause while these thoughts linger around, deep down I wonder am I truly ready to put down everything when my bond is up and take up such a major change in another phrase of my life. Isn't a fan of uncertainties.

Regarding the other aspect of my life. I think its pretty much tight shut. Amazingly, ain't that upset simply because I guess I never held much hope right from the start. Strangely enough, God open it in the most unexpected corners. I guess nothing will ever bloom for now. Not pessimist just a realist.

Was told to keep praying. But to keep asking would be to keep wanting. Shudn't we be patiently waiting? I did mah. I waited and didn't keep nudging God to give me what I want because I didnt want to irritate him.

(In the process, keep reminding myself of my wants and end up feeling sore about what I'm missing out)

Am I wrong?

setttled down

2009-07-08T08:20:00.002-07:00

More or less settled down.

Cubicle, Classes and CCA.

The 3 Cs.

Nothing much to complain since i'm only getting 75% of the workload.

its miraculous how God plans for me. Mission school and now a Christian CCA.

God is indeed kind to me.

Sometimes I feel drained to the extend I feel pissed. But then again, I remind myself to give thanks. Ever give thanks.

August is coming and so far every month is busy.

Still I look forward to the day when God opens another chapter.

Home organisation

2009-06-11T08:01:00.000-07:00

It's my last week of holidays and I'll be back to school at full speed for another 3 months before getting a miser one week break and then another 3 months before getting a wholesome 4 weeks rest. The past 2 weeks have been well spent and I enjoyed every moment of it. Till I'm extremely guilty of not completing certain duties.

There's still the last week, which oh wells. I hope things could get straighten out.

Mum's been busy organising our home and even giving our toilets a facelift. I can't wait honestly.

The toilets were the last thing i was thinking of. Aircons, televisions, washing machine maybe...but toilets?. interesting.

Watched "night at the museum 2" today with BL. While the plot was kind of ridiculously far stretched for the sake of a sequel, it was nevertheless entertaining and amusing. Amy Adams I must say, though pretty and pleasant in the face was kind of stiff in her acting. That's just purely my personal opinion I must emphasize.

Life moves on...whats next after progress?

Back to reality

2009-06-10T07:26:00.000-07:00

Caught "The young Victoria" with Hannah at the new Iluma at bugis.

Good movie, sweet and simple. Best of all, adapted from the real life story of Queen Victoria.

A simple clear cut love story between her and husband prince Albert.

In other words, a royal True love story.

How incredible can things get.

But on the other hand, any true love story, royal or not, would be just as powerful and sweeping.

I was touched. Love the way how both complemented one another.

She was the feisty, hasty and powerful one. He was the calm, insightful and supportive one. While it seemed he needed her more than she do, the truth was she could not do without him.

I can't say the same for us. I can't even say there's love. Because love itself brings everything into a whole new dimension and expects a lot more than one thinks.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."

-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

But I do look forward to opened doors. I do believe God open doors.

Yet it'll be up to both to step through it.

choices

2009-06-01T09:21:00.000-07:00

I'm a fortunate girl. Not a single school meeting during my 3 weeks of June holidays.

after which school starts on the 22nd. For me at least. My school's apparently different from the rest. But we always have our December holidays much earlier.

I have no complains.

Pa & Ma + Hannah are happy for me. Esp. mum who reminded me timely about how God has been blessing me richly. The last semester has been eventful. Esp. with ma's case shaking the entire family.

Will never forget how I struggled with my 2 reports while all my peers started their exam revision. Neither will I forget the intensive 3-4 days preparation (amidst my birthday) for that much dreaded CL + culture paper / CL lit paper. It's all been long gone but the memories remain. Indeed, God has been more than merciful with me.

Then, there's always the other aspect. I much more at ease now. I don't know how come. But it must be God's doing once again. Have been pondering quite a bit over the past few days about it. The possibilities are endless yet all seem poignant. How I dearly wish my life could be a reflection of the old saying "All's well, ends well".

But this is just the beginning.

Thought of getting a family car for the Foongs. But it just seems to be the wrong time. Perhaps Pa is accurate in saying that a car is simply a want and not a need. But for my family, I might just be willing to forgo my own needs to fulfill the convenience of everyone. One step at a time.

Stepping into the society has given me the addition duty to plan my expenditure, which in turn...has instill this deep sense of responsibility in me. The family burden no longer rests just on Pa's shoulder. Its time I carry part of it too. While it sure can be heavy at times, I know deep down that the Lord is in it, WITH me.

The moment of truth

2009-06-01T02:32:00.000-07:00

Results are out. For the final semester.

While there wasn't exactly any heart throbbing moment as compared to my previous semester
I must admit my hands felt cold. Jam (my laptop) seems to be crawling at a much draggy pace than usual. All signs of impatience and anxiety present.

Finally logged in.

Same results, even similar GPA. Slight difference for the grading though.

The Lord has been merciful. It's a 2nd uppers. Sincerely thank the Lord for pulling me through this perilous 4 years. Eventful and impactful, these 4 years in uni has taught me lessons that shall stick with me for the rest of my life. I shall not forget his mercy and grace.
To God be the Glory, Great things he has done.

Can't make up my mind.

2009-05-31T10:08:00.000-07:00

Eventful first week at work. So far so good. Can't really say more since there's way loads more to pick up. Still learning the ropes.

Can't believe I'm already a full fledged teacher. 4 years has flown past much faster than I thought.

Soon, there may just be another phrase of my life unfolding before me.

Confused yet at peace. Painful yet at ease.

God has been merciful for giving me such wonderful choices. Either one and I do believe I'll still be a very happy woman. How can I make up my mind?

I pray for wisdom. My heart has a choice but my mind tells me not to.

Life is ever changing. There might just be no end after all.

回头望

2009-05-17T08:03:00.000-07:00

2008-2009 这一年的事奉即将告一段落……快要歇下1723组长、诗班女低组长的职分。心中难免有些不舍。

很感谢上帝让我能在这一年里尝试这么多不同的岗位，都是我从未尝试过的。说过自己对事奉曾有偏好，也最终走过来……学习如何顺服。完全接受上帝所要我扛起的任何责任。

如今，新的一年我也将参与新的岗位。谢谢上帝，让我最终能够再次回到多年来所喜爱的音乐事工。

这是小琦在2009-2010所被委任的新职分。新任务、新开始，仍旧要交托、尽心尽力。

1）诗班员（女低成员）
2）诗班委员——宣传及网站（未定）
3）青年团契成员
4）青年团契财政
5）儿童诗班司琴
6）祷告会司琴

当然，这也只不过是所谓的'official'职分。更多时候，上帝更重视我们如何在没有被委托的情况下如何付出。好一首“将一生交给你”，每一句歌词都深深地提醒我们应该怎么过个丰盛的基督徒生命。

2008-2009将是我毕生难忘的一段人生路。
2009-2010 再次是我期待的人生新篇章。

漫不经心

2009-05-15T02:12:00.000-07:00

昨日惊讶地收到由出版社所寄来的稿费。

没想到已过了一年了。果然，不去刻意追求的……总会在适当的时候出现。

突然觉得好幸福。23岁的我竟然有机会出书。上帝对我太好了。

当然……在构思及写作的过程中我并不是这么想的。因为实在是太吃力了！

另外，那日收到一封从大老远的Fiji热带小岛的信件。

好兴奋……因为之前曾在一部电影看过这个美丽的小岛……岛主尽量回归大自然，起居

饮食都尽量不对环境造成任何破坏。一见钟情，马上上网查询有关这个脱俗的人间天

堂。结果，其中一家私人度假村的主人竟然毫不犹豫地向我要电邮和地址，并把有关这

小岛的资料寄过来。这postage fees应该不便宜吧！深深地被当地人的热情及诚恳打动。

有朝一日，我一定会过去的！

其实，人生中常有许多能令人心动的小事。只要细细品尝，必然回味无穷。

If only life has a snooze button

2009-05-13T07:48:00.000-07:00

Its my last few weeks of holidays (1 week and 4 days strictly speaking) and soon I'll lose my freedom to my posted school.

Schedule is pretty packed since I've been trying to stretch it to the fullest. Am quite drained but satisfied. If only life has a snooze button which allows me to snooze through certain events of life.
If only.

Well, i personally don't like the phrase "if only..." cause it implies a certain deep sense of regret and torment, which i really detest it alot alot. Was upset the other day again when I asked God to show me a sign! I wanted a clear direction from him and interestingly, he gave me Ecclesiastics 7:13-14 :

"Consider what God has done: Who can straighten what he has made crooked? When times are good, be happy. But when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore a man cannot discover anything about his future."

Gosh, God really does answer our requests doesnt him. And its a direct NO in this case.

So no, I'm pretty clueless and am just patiently waiting. Sometimes i wonder if there's really the BEST in this aspect. But then again, I do believe what a sister in christ has told me. God never pushes us to take what He gives. There's no such this as the ONE since more often than not, he provides us the options and we learn to take responsibility for our choice.

Well, so have I not made my choice. Why is it still so draggy? What went wrong?

Then that's when I recall Philippians 4:6

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."

But many a times, its easier said than done. God has given me timely encouragement and directions while other times, gives me the silent treatment. Thats when Hebrews 11:1 comes in:

" Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. "

This particular verse came in when I was so so so desolate about the whole affair. I mean after 4 years, one really can't help feeling upset and torn. To have so much memories between us, I guess I have reasons for being so obstinate in my choice. But true enough, God does give the other party the ability to choose as well. Whatever is going through the mind, only God can perceive. I can only pray for wisdom and patience in it all.

赤子之心

2009-05-10T07:29:00.000-07:00

今天终于将练习多个月的“好消息”给呈献。不同人对于这首歌都有不同的看法，不过我个人觉得大体上还算可以，只要小朋友唱得开心、大人的心获得激励、上帝的名得以被荣耀就行了。

以下是妹妹所作的现场录像：

不过，在此还真必须分享一段小插曲：之前曾用过这架钢琴。真的挺不习惯，总觉得声量太大了。逸恒也曾多次取笑我，他没恶意啦但我心里压力是不小。结果，我今天紧张到开头部分就miss掉了几个bass notes.（不过算混得过去）

另外，我完全没发现自己越弹越快……结果逸恒在我身边数拍子。哈哈！实在是……嗨……哪日我才能弹得像样点儿？不过，要谢谢他，因为在那种情况我根本不能翻谱，好在有他的帮忙。所以，算是大功告成！感谢主，总是在我最需要帮忙时派“贵人”相助。Even when its the most unexpected people *cough cough.

Start of adulthood

2009-05-08T09:13:00.000-07:00

Finally am certain of where I'm going.

Thank God for blessing me beyond my expectations, it feels quite a bit like going back to my Alma mater. But slightly different since the school culture is not exactly the same.

I still have no idea how come I was able to be posted to this school.

While kind of prestigious, it comes along with its set of challenges but I shall learn to face all things with a normal pace and piece of mind. Like what my Dad has reminded me, always pray before the start of the day and let God lead the way.

Yeps, the prayer hotline...how can I forget.

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

The Syrophoenician woman

2009-05-07T07:03:00.001-07:00

Was praying and weeping the other day for something and God showed me this particular text:

"21 And Jesus went away from there, and withdrew into the district of Tyre and Sidon. 22 And behold, a Canaanite woman came out from that region, and began to cry out, saying, "Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David; my daughter is cruelly demon-possessed." 23 But He did not answer her a word. And His disciples came to Him and kept asking Him, saying, "Send her away, for she is shouting out after us." 24 But He answered and said, "I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel." 25 But she came and began to bow down before Him, saying, "Lord, help me!" 26 And He answered and said, "It is not good to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs." 27 But she said, "Yes, Lord; but even the dogs feed on the crumbs which fall from their masters' table." 28 Then Jesus answered and said to her, "O woman, your faith is great; be it done for you as you wish." And her daughter was healed at once." (Matthew 15:21-28, NASB)

Honestly, I was kind of confused and stunned by the Lord's reply to the lady. Like this woman who was earnestly seeking, I certainly didn't feel comfortable to be compared to a dog. So what then, was the Lord's purpose in making such a statement?

Searching the internet for answers, I found a couple of interpretations for it. Though slightly varied, all revolves the theme of faith. As this text is so personal and arrived at such a timely moment of deep sorrows and longing, I can't help but want to share with every reader.

*Do visit each site for a comprehensive read.

1) Walk with Jesus

http://www.foundationsforfreedom.net/Topics/Abiding/Abiding16.html

The text was deemed as a reminder for us Christians to stay focused on God's will, even if it meant going beyond our comfort zone or feeling that a particular task or duty seems at odd with God's purpose for you and me. We will be tested. However, we must not lose focus by others that are wishing for us to short cut the necessary tests to discern what the Father's will is. We might use the silent test or the 'no' test. But when desperate faith is so apparent and confirmed in our spirits, then we should know our Heavenly Father has sent them and will give us all the extraordinary grace to meet that special need.

2) Focus on God

http://www.focusongod.com/sermon155.htm

Split the text into a series of test which the Lord was applying to the woman.

I. The First Test.

A. A Canaanitish woman cried: "Have mercy on me, O lord, thou son of David; my daughter is grievously vexed with a devil." The next verse says, "But he answered her nor a word.

1. Does this not seem cruel? Was this not a time, if there was ever such a time, for someone's feelings to get hurt? Was this not a good time for her to have turned away and said, "Well, if that is the way you act, I will never ask you for anything else?"

2. What would most of us do if we should ask the preacher a question and receive no reply? Would not our feelings be hurt?

3. The chances are that we would quit the church. Many would feel that they would be justified in doing so. But would they?

4. This woman did not let the silence of Christ turn her away. Was she a woman without feelings? No, but she was a woman that needed something, and she knew that Christ was the only one that could supply that need. The life of her child was in danger and she thought more of her daughter than she did of her own feelings.

B. How many of us would past this first test that Jesus put this woman through.

II. The Second Test.

A. The silence of Christ was only her first test. Most would not have passed the first test; and, very few would have passed the second test.

1. When Christ did not answer, his disciples struck at her feelings. They said, "Send her away; for she crieth after us."

2. Surely this would have been enough to send her away with wounded feelings. But, did she leave? No, her need was too great to let Christ's disciples stand in her way. She would not let them rob her of blessings needed.

3. Suppose you came to someone in the church and made a request and was ignored. Would you stay or leave? If you, like this woman, knew your needs and why you came, you would remain in spite of what they said. If you turned your back because your feelings were hurt, would you not be the one to lose?

4. Of course, God would not be pleased with the actions of any that would try to turn you away, but their actions would not justify your quitting.

B. If you should let even this cause you to quit the church, what condition would your soul be in? All that know anything about the Bible know that they would be lost if they quit the church.

1. Is your soul more important than your feelings?

2. To let even this make you forsake the church would mean that you were too sensitive.

C. We must desire to know the truth regardless of the obstacles that seem to get in our way.

John 8:31-32

D. We must remember that our souls are in danger, and Christ and the church are the only places where safety can be found.

III. The Third Test.

A. As if these first two tests were not enough the woman had more test yet to face.

1. Jesus said to her, "I am not sent but unto the lost sheep of the house of Israel."

2. What would you do if someone should say the blessings of the Lord are not for you? Would you get all ruffled up and leave without them? Not this woman?

3. "Then she came and worshipped him, saying, Lord, help me."

a. How many of us could worship under such circumstances? We would get "mad enough to bite rusty nails" and refuse to stay much less worship. But should we give up?

b. Is it more important that we obey the gospel and serve the Lord in the church, or run home with our feelings hurt?

B. Our success or failures in passing test such as these are indicative of our real desire to do what is right. All that know anything about the Bible, know that they would be lost if they quit the church. Is your soul more important than your feelings?

IV. The Fourth Test.

A. She had one more test to pass would it hurt her feelings and drive her away? Jesus said, "It is not meet to take the children's bread and to cast it to dogs."

1. Not many of us would have carried the conversation far enough to hear this statement. But, what would we have done? What would you do if someone should call you a dog?

a. Most of us would think this would be enough to justify our getting to heaven without ever passing by the church again.

b. But this woman simply said, "Truth, Lord: yet the dogs eat the crumbs." That is saying, "I know how unworthy I am; I do not ask for anything but the crumbs." This woman obtained the mercy she sought."

c. Was it worth it? It would have been so easy to let her feelings rob her and her daughter of the healing she desired and needed.

2. When we meet God in judgment, will we have let our feelings rob us of that plaudit, "Well done?"

B. We tell the world that we walk by faith, not by feelings. What are you walking by? Are you a quitter because you have had your feelings hurt? Are you walking by faith, even though your feelings have been hurt?

Conclusion:

"Then Jesus answered and said unto her, O woman, great is thy faith: be it unto thee even as thou wilt. And her daughter was made whole from that very hour." (Matthew 15:28)

3) Adventures in Revland

http://adventures-in-revland.blogspot.com/2008/08/matthew-1521-28-sermon-scraps.html

An extract from the site:

The Canaanite woman had hope in Christ. Hope in something that was greater than herself. Hope that this God/Man could do for her what he had done for so many others, even though she was considered a dog. She was determined to get her scrap of food. When Jesus’ eyes were opened to her faith it didn’t matter what her heritage was, she had undeniable faith and hope in her Lord. This Savior, this Lord, this Jesus is who we should have hope in. Hope, true hope, is not found in what we can do by ourselves but it is found in the one who can do more than we ever could dream. Hope believes in God’s promise and believes it can happen to us.

4) Crumbs from the table

http://www.bible.ca/ef/expository-matthew-15-21-28.htm

The Problem
There, a Canaanite woman sought help for her demon-possessed daughter. She indicated that the effects were particularly cruel, but did not elaborate.

Jesus' disciples asked Him to send her away. They did not care much for Gentiles. Jesus explained to her that He was sent only to "the lost sheep of the house of Israel." This refers to His personal ministry on earth, that He had been sent to preach unto Israel. The prophet Ezekiel had spoken of this: "Therefore, I will deliver My flock, and they will no longer be a prey; and I will judge between one sheep and another. Then I will set over them one shepherd, My servant David, and he will feed them; he will feed them himself and be their shepherd." (Ezekiel 34:22-23). Other references also discuss the coming of the Messiah to Israel as a Shepherd (Jeremiah 50:6,7). When sending His apostles out to preach during His lifetime, He gave them strict orders about this: " These twelve Jesus sent out after instructing them: "Do not go in the way of the Gentiles, and do not enter any city of the Samaritans; but rather go to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.

"And as you go, preach, saying, "The kingdom of heaven is at hand.' (Matthew 10:5-7).
His death on the cross, however, would be for all nations, and His gospel would go forth unto all the world following His resurrection and ascension back into heaven. (Matthew 28:18-20).

Perseverance and Humility
This woman persevered, bowing down before Him, saying, "Lord, help me." Jesus replied, "It is not good to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs." What a stunning thing for Jesus to say! But there was a point to be made behind it all.

She replied, "Yes, Lord; but even the dogs feed on the crumbs which fall from their master's table." Just as stunning was her reply. It is as if she does not care about anything other than that this Prophet can help her daughter and she will not be dissuaded.

A number of things happen at this point. here. First, the woman's faith is certainly tested. It will indeed take great courage and commitment to put up with this! This fine woman is going to learn something here. She is going to learn what a strong faith she has!

How much had she heard about Jesus? She was a Gentile living in a foreign land, but she addressed Jesus saying, "Have mercy on me, Lord, Son of David;" (vs. 22). The term "Son of David" is a Messianic term. This tells us she knew something of the promise of God to send a Savior. She addressed Jesus as that Messiah. We are not told where she had learned this, but she is correct.

It would have been easy for her to turn away in anger or sorrow or pride. But she saw Jesus as the only hope for her daughter. She would not turn away!And certainly His disciples would not have expected such faith from a Gentile. Their perceptions and views of Gentiles will have to change; and in time they will. As Peter, for example, would one day realize: "I most certainly understand now that God is not one to show partiality, but in every nation the man who fears Him and does what is right is welcome to Him." (Acts 10:34,35). Later, all would recognize the fact that the gospel is for all "When they heard this, they quieted down and glorified God, saying, 'Well then, God has granted to the Gentiles also the repentance that leads to life.'" (Acts 11:18).

The Reward of Faith
Jesus answered, "O woman, your faith is great; be it done for you as you wish." Jesus certainly knew this about the woman's faith. Great faith brings great rewards. This took courage. It took commitment. It took a spirit that refused to be deterred. Her faith was tested and passed the test. The apostles received a lesson that they would remember.

Our faith needs to have endurance as well. To endure, we must have the confidence in Jesus as this woman had. We are told, "Therefore, do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised. " (Hebrews 10:35-36)

When that day was over, and this mother held her daughter in her arms, free at last from the cruel bondage she had suffered, and reflected on the events of that day, how do you suppose she felt? The Messiah had pronounced her faith as "great". He had answered her request for her daughter's healing. She had not let the others persuade her to give up. And, even at that darkest moment when it seemed as if she would not find the answer she desired, she pressed on. So, how did she feel at day's end? She had only asked for crumbs from the Master's table. She instead had received a feast. You can be sure she felt fine. It had been a very good day.

I'm unsure whether you would actually love reading up on such interpretations of the bible but I certainly do. It never fails to amaze me how in depth the bible, how rich and applicable God's words are to us even after thousands of years. Though every individual has varying interpretations, God ensures that the bible content never miss out the core - God's grace and glory. And as I receive this text after crying out to the Lord for an answer to a particular longing, this was the reply I got. I believe.

When we can say nothing at all

2009-05-05T21:35:00.000-07:00

常有这样的经验。当朋友分享一些很私人的问题而我们俩都没有实际的解决办法……其实，人生许多事无不是超出人能控制的范围吗？

唯有在这样的时候，我会想起自己仍然还有祷告的救命线。

无论对方是基督教与否，我都会答应为他代祷。因为我深信祷告的力量。

不过……

祷告不该只沦落成一条救命线，而是成为我们生命中的热线。与其说唯有没办法……不如无时无刻在心中与主沟通。无需付费、无条件，就是那么快捷简单。

有朋友曾问：“怎么你们不在意同空气说话？”

显然地，这朋友并不相信上帝的存在。但我能理解。

我想凡事都从心出发。假如用心思来倾诉、坦诚地来到神面前，就能体验那份真实。
就如风和爱，从没有个具体物但你我都不能否认它的存在。

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him"
~ 1 John 5:14-15

知己的箴言

2009-05-05T05:22:00.000-07:00

Met up with 朋友 yesterday...finally! Since the last time we met were like say, last year?
Heard her share about that certain aspect of life...and...

I guess the difference between the two genders can never be more far apart. And it's ever these seemingly harmless difference that really wedge relationships apart and nurse countless problems. On my way back was reflecting upon this issue and I slowly realized that such problems boils down to the contradicting ways ladies and gentlemen interpret things.

Contrary to popular belief, I'm really no feminist and was thinking about how we ladies, instead of expecting the other party to change and become ideal (which is more than a tall order), try to see beyond the surface and appreciate their natural self.

But it's really no easy feat.

There's quite a couple of things I've learn from my interaction with the other gender...and here it goes:

1) Never poke fun at what he prides himself on.

While most guys are pretty goofy and don't really mind making fun of themselves (esp. when trying to impress), they do get upset when you poke fun at what they pride themselves on...be it that out of tune singing...abstract photography skills...pants splitting somersault..etc. Its crucial that we learn to appreciate these interesting talents and their efforts in showcasing to us. Yeps a word of assurance and encouragement goes a long way.

2) Don't dwell too much into it.

Guys don't speak in riddles. Period. Girls on the other hand tend to read too much in between the lines. Which of course rubs them off the wrong way big time. Learn to believe what they mean literally (sometimes figuratively but I believe we ladies are smart enough to differentiate).

3) Respond

It's their nature to test waters. (And I don't mean literally here, I'm sure u knew. ) Esp. when they are unsure. So do pluck up some courage to give a positive respond unless u.. Nayways I suck at this particular one. I guess its just my natural self to shun in wimpyness when the other party throws a sudden test. And I normally mess things up quite badly. Still learning. My principle: be sincere about one's own emotions and let God lead the way rather than over/ under responding.

4) Divert at the right time

Change topics @ the appropriate moments especially when you can feel that a particular topic is eating into him. Alright, while you may say this probably applies to platonic friendships too..one interesting thing I've realised is that guys dont actually tell us that we're making him uncomfortable unlike our girlfriends! He's trying to be polite at his own expense. So do appreciate it and make life easy for him by breaking the awkwardness. It'll do both parties much good.

5) Listen

I'm a inborn speaker. And I'm not saying I am blessed with eloquence but rather my love for speaking. Girls love sharing, thats how we bond among ourselves and with you (guys) too. But there'll be times he just love letting you know more about himself. Don't misterpret that as disinterest in our affairs. So learn to pause and listen him speak. However....if he's ever talking about himself and way NOT keen in ur affairs then we can safely move on.

6) Speak!

Don't go "huh". I'm not contradicting myself. There'll be times when guys are so drained from all that school work or simply work...he'll be more than happy to let u lead the conversation...you know..share...talk and stuff...seeing u talk is simply pure joy. Don't be offended if he seems far off. Cause HE PROBABLY IS. But its nothing personal rather...its more of the "spirit is willing but the flesh is weak". Be grateful he's keeping his eyelids from shutting. Well unless he's gazing elsewhere at some passby babe or babes(even worse)..then its NEXT!

7) Let him lead...unless..

Learn to let him take charge. Unless he's really pressed for time, then relieve him of his burden of whatever duties the situation calls for. There's really no absolute guideline for this one, but its crucial to strike a good balance. While it will be horrid to portray that "needy" image, its necessary to understand the amount of dependence he likes us to have. Different guys, different level so its essential to do some homework ourselves.

8) Anti - stereotype

Never EVER stereotype him. Statements like "you guys are ..." spells doom. Cause it simply makes him feel belittled even if it was meant as a joke. Every individual likes to be deemed unique esp. by the special one (in other words, us) , by categorizing him with the other 99.999999% of the male population..oh well..

9) Believe

Guys, do appreciate it when we try our very best to believe u. Don't blame us if we tend to think a tab bit over because its really our second nature. And yes, majority of us needs a LARGE serving of security. which is why girls simply need those endless sms and verbal declarations of your love and admiration. Its not that we dont trust, its just that we need it. From you! not just anyone else. SO...dont get us wrong.

10) Contentment

I think contentment is THE most essential ingredient for a healthy relationship. While its necessary to set certain standards, learn to be content with whatever effort he makes even if it seems insignificant. Because one's pebble may be someone's rubble. (kk i cooked up this phrase but u shud get my point) And when u're truly content, it DOES show and shine from within. And doesn't a naturally happy content and understanding companion the best gift for him?

Yay finally am done with the perfect 10! There's still loads more, but it would be quite draining to go on tonight. Ha, it does look like some write up for some love column. But I'm really no "aunt agony"..haha am quite clueless in it all myself. i guess writing it out does aid me in my retrospection on this issue. It'll take a lifetime to learn i guess, after all true love doesn't have a happy ending. True love has no ending.

quizzacle me

2009-05-04T09:37:00.000-07:00

Facebook has this ginormous amount of quizzes. Never for once did I take it seriously until I did this particular one:

"Who is your perfect match?"

While I've never believed in the perfect match, but the answers does coincide with my personal criteria of an ideal partner. I once thought it was superficial to entertain innate expectations for such an issue, but when a speaker came to speak to us regarding it, many misconceptions were corrected.

The result is as follow:

Intelligent Thinker.Your perfect match is someone who is kind, creative and quiet. This person is a thinker, someone who enjoys observing and analyzing the world. This type of person is content to let you do all the talking, yet is intelligent and bright and can contribute a wealth of knowledge to any conversation. While this person might seem aloof or even shy, once you get to know them, they are incredibly interesting, full of life and their serious side will compliment your more out-going nature. The top traits they are looking for in a mate include someone who is supportive, compassionate and understands their introverted nature. While this person might be somewhat skeptical that love exists because they are not big risk-takers and the choose their friends cautiously, deep down they are ready and eager to fall in love and will fall deeply for you, forming a deep and eternal bond.

How true. While I seem to be able to goof around and joke with almost anyone, but its ever the deep quiet and observant person that never fails to impress me. Charming me with his intelligence and accepting heart. Long hours of chit chat on the in depth issues of life and many more.

The list can go on, but only the Lord's direction counts.

A number to remember

2009-05-04T00:19:00.000-07:00

Attended the wake of a brother's dad with pa last night. It was definitely more soothing to have him for company. Can't explain why, but my dad's presence has never fail to calm me even in the worst situations.

After singing a couple of hymns, the pastor referred to Psalms 90 as the chapter for the wake. Was listening to him reading when verse 12 caught my eyes:

" So teach us to number our days, That we may present to You a heart of wisdom." -Psalms 90:12

While this weren't the first time I've come across this verse, it strike especially hard during that night. After experiencing a couple of losses of friends' grandparents, cousins, relatives...the fact of the fragility of life has long been embedded in my heart.

Albert Einstein once said:

"The value of a man resides in what he gives and not in what he is capable of receiving."

Lord, may you use me to give. A life, in spite of its short span can be a rich pool of blessing to many.

Here I am Lord.

Lost and

2009-05-04T00:03:00.000-07:00

yet to be found.

Have been feeling quite lost recently, but am trying my best to stayed grounded. Its quite a struggle especially when there's this overwhelming feeling of heaviness residing in my heart.

Have been trying to seek answers from the bible.

Life can be quite a labyrinth especially when there's a variety of options each seemingly good. Either this, or the other extreme of all being horrid choices.

Sometimes I feel lost without any idea which option to make. Sometimes i feel pressed into choosing a particular one though I really don't want to. It's not a bad choice, in fact quite the contrary. Just that I feel pushed.

And so now, I rather shove it to the back of my mind and not dwell upon it. Its tough but I shall try. Perhaps all will be revealed in God's good time.
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

奇思妙想

2009-05-03T10:09:00.000-07:00

被今天所呈现的诗歌深深打动——我在这里。

这是我生平首次在教会献唱时被诗歌打动。唱到中间的部分，几乎快要流泪。我虽是个超感性的女孩，但诗歌中的歌词不能不感动任何听众。

突然，内心渴慕侍奉神的愿望又被眺起。今天讲员以马太福音9:35-38作为讲道的经文。

他以其下5步骤作为宣教引导：眼、心、口、脚、手。

突然，有好些突发奇想。好想卸下这一切并守独生来侍奉上帝。

无论有没有独生，都决定有朝一日全时间侍奉神。这至少是我的愿望。以音乐或是上帝所为我开的任何岗位，我都愿意踏入。有时，很希望在这样的侍奉旅程中有个伴侣但我知道不应该强求。因为这毕竟是在适当的时机才会被揭示。无论有否，我愿意顺服。

惊讶

2009-05-01T10:09:00.000-07:00

收到妹妹的来电，真的挺震惊。一位才刚过18岁的朋友，父亲刚过世。

从他进医院到断气……时间不到一个月。

突然想到我们的母亲。

原来人的生命力是如此薄弱，假如我们就这样一天没有了母亲，该怎么办？

想到这里，心里犹如砖块沉淀在心头。很重、很痛。

想哭却哭不出来。真的很害怕。不想没有妈妈。

2009-04-29T07:59:00.000-07:00

最近观看了以上的广告，内容不长却让人感慨万端。

简短的一分钟半，眼泪却流满了脸颊。

可能我是个感性动物，但是广告中的副标题不禁引发我的深思——我究竟为谁、为什么而活？

回想个人的过去，发现自己总为着没有的事物而埋怨。不断地徘徊在缺乏当中。但我却忽略了所拥有的。我的家人、朋友、亲戚……无不是深爱着我。甚至是不熟的朋友都会在生日当天祝福。感动。

不该关注在没有的事物及人身上。

是时候开窍了。感谢。

tick tock

2009-04-26T21:19:00.000-07:00

终于考完了。

恍然发现自己越来越懒散，连上部落格抒发想法的动力都没有。挺佩服好些同学在考试的关键时期还能那么卖力地blog.太佩服了。

终于有个喘气空间——上网、约朋友、制作礼物、做家务、出外摄影、等等……就是这么简单的生活。

那日上网看见朋友在facebook上载的个人录像。原本对别人录像不怎么感兴趣的我，看见对录像的留言，都是充满着对朋友的祝福，不仅引起了我的好奇心。

点击一看，原来是对方男朋友向她求婚的惊喜录像。真的好感动，男方细心地将结婚戒指隐藏在朋友的爆米花杯子里，然后突然在众多人面前跪下向她求婚。因为事先已经准备好了，所以朋友们早已在一旁偷偷录像。

这朋友同我一样，今年24岁，也刚大学毕业。看着一个个不是同我一样大或是年龄比我稍微大小的朋友都开始成家立业，不仅给我带来几分压力。

不过，也不想为了有个伴侣而强迫自己。毕竟勉强真的是没有幸福。

但我不觉得自己挑剔，从一开始便知道自己要什么。只不过，为何这条路似乎走得比较坎坷。为何彼此就是不能坦诚地来面对自己的感受呢？对于上帝的带领，越来越模糊。我们到底在等什么？

moving on

2009-04-16T06:42:00.000-07:00

1 down and so moving on to the last 3 papers. I betcha these few papers are the last few exams I'll EVER take in my life. EVER.

K k i rephrase, last academic exams I'll ever take. I'll probably switch to something more stressful like music. Muaha!

notes addicted

2009-04-08T06:27:00.000-07:00

I love my reports, I love my notes, I love my mugging. I love self illusions.

不想被

2009-04-01T08:21:00.000-07:00

心情牵着鼻子走……
脾气牵着日子过……

这比想象中难。妈妈的抉择会否影响她的一生?

原来……我比谁都在意。

my thoughts in white and splashes of pink

2009-03-30T08:45:00.000-07:00

我是个幸福的女孩。

正如诗篇23篇所言，上帝不就曾答应我们会带领我们经过“死阴的幽谷”。如今的我，正处在这样的阶段。我向往走出去的那一天。

今天终于把那篇文化报告给呈上，本想松口气，却发生了意想不到的事。没关系，已经交上就得交托。

有时真觉得自己是个低效率的人。无论是同学还是朋友，手脚都比我快。从小事到大事，总觉得自己慢三拍。不过，要学习爱自己。谁叫我是“慢功出细货”型的……哈哈！

对了，已学习放弃的功课。

有种似曾相似的感觉。不过，真的放开了。放手也好，强求毕竟没有幸福。
没有丝毫的怨愤，只有点点滴滴的倦意和悲凉。

信心的等待应该是这样开始吧？

I wish you knew

2009-03-28T05:45:00.001-07:00

Theme song: Fuji TV drama Omiai Kekkon

2009-03-27T09:02:00.000-07:00

Sakura no Ame, Itsuka

While encircled by the light of spring

Alone, hiding my breathing, I cried

Without even saying farewell, we parted

For some reason, reminders of that person are now reviving

Though I couldn't do a thing for you

You always watched over me

Though I wanted to tell you that

You won't respond to me anymore, you're so distant

If I said "thank you"

It will become like "farewell forever"

On this endless journey

Let's meet again somewhere, sometime

I wanted to tell you about so much more

I'd believed that it was something I could accomplish

On your peaceful sleeping face

I gently touched you with lips, moistened by falling tears

Becoming a rain of cherry blossoms

My dreams are now creating a rainbow

You fly across the sky

Making me all alone

A rest for eternity

Murmuring, looking up, the sky above the town was blue

Becoming a rain of cherry blossoms

My dreams are now crossing the rainbow

You fly across the sky

Leaving me all alone

If I said "thank you"

It will become like "farewell forever"

On this endless journey

I'll be able to see you again somewhere, sometime

Musical Break

2009-03-25T22:31:00.003-07:00

Bravely booked sistic tickets for a 5th April break ( the midst of my hectic report rushings & exam preparations).

Was still feeling quite sore about not be able to make it for the free SSO concert in NTU last friday ha but for ma's sake...nvm. So lo and behold, imagine my joy when the email for another budget darrell ang's concert this time in Esplanade Concert Hall!

Haha its really cheap since student price goes like $7 per person. It's going to be a visual and audio feast...woohoo! Why a visual feast? Take a good look at the conductor -->

Here's a brief biography on him:

Born with Singapore, Darrell Ang plays of the Violon, the Basson and the Piano. He studied with Leong Yoon-Pine then with Vienna, Prague and Saint-Pétersbourg and Helsinki. He improved with Jorma Panula and with follow-up the courses of interpretation of Sir Colin Davis and Lorin Maazel. He studies for the time being with the Université of Yale to the the United States and recently gained the 1st price of the contest of leaders Antonio Pedrotti (Italy).

He directed much in Russia and in particular to Saint-Petersbourg: the philharmonic orchestra, the orchestra of State and the orchestra of the Congress, as well as the orchestra of Novossibirsk. It also gave concerts in Tchéquie, in Germany, Spain, Italy, with the Canada, the Mexico and of course in Asia, where it occurred with New Japan Philharmonic Orchestra and the symphony orchestras of Suwon (South Korea) and Singapore. Of 2002 with 2006, it Co-founded and directed the chamber orchestra of Saint-Pétersbourg.

In the field of the Opera, Darrell Ang already on the occasion to work with the singers of the lyric academy of the Théâtre Mariinsky. It directed several lyric and choreographic productions of Mozart to Britten while passing by Verdi and Tchaïkovski, to the opera and the theater Rimsky-Korsakov de Saint-Pétersbourg.

It gains the Grand Prix of Direction of the 50e international Concours of young leaders of Besancon in September 2007.

With his good looks and talent and charisma, he'll make it big de loh. So i better go watch his budget concerts now before he really become world renowned. Till then his tix will be 10-20 times the amount I pay now. Just to end it on a classic note:

Programme for the day:

DEBUSSY
SAINT-SAËNS
TCHAIKOVSKY

Ibéria
Havanaise, Op. 83
Francesca da Rimini, Op.32

Obligations

2009-03-25T07:56:00.000-07:00

Can't help but feel obligated to post something on a daily basis. Since here has been people dropping by to read once in awhile.

You know who you are. You shud be touched.

Have been feeling quite grumpy and drained recently. And worst of all, ill disciplined. Just to add on to my misery, Jam's ( my lappy) old age has somehow caught up with her. She just refused to work with our router for the umpteen time. No matter how much I coax or sayang her...she simply wont get moving.

So i got her a companion...an loud young feisty lad by the name of Epson. Here's his side profile:

Handsome and smart looking, isn't he? He's quite patient with her...ever doing her bidding and printing what she likes to show off on screen. I guess Jam has been quite lonely for the past 2 years.

Ha and who can relate better to her feelings other than me.
Sometimes all it takes is just a timely company to keep things moving.
Why do we keep wasting time?

Hannah the palindrome

2009-03-20T08:46:00.000-07:00

Whats a "palindrome" ? you may ask.

According to wiki, the definition is as follows: A palindrome is a word, phrase, number or other sequence of units that can be read the same way in either direction.

And "Hannah" the name is a classic biblical palindrome.

It happens to be the movie title of this 2004 comedy/drama film written and directed by Todd Solondz.Peppered with sweet and sour scenes, the protagonist, a 13-year-old girl named Aviva, is played by eight different actors (of different ages, races, and genders) during the course of the film.

The plot is kind of messy but does ends on a good note of the girl living in self illusion that she's pregnant (which was what she wanted all along) when in reality she was really barren.

Anyway before I go off tangent, the real purpose of this post was to talk about "Hannah" - my sister. But since its 230am in the morning and I'm totally drained with brainstorming the conclusion of a very annoying report. I shall speak another day.

Mum's the word

2009-03-19T09:36:00.000-07:00

Yesh she is. The central of our lives right now, everyone's struggling to make her feel comfy and totally at ease. The experience has been quite an eye opener for me. How so, will elaborate about it another fine day. As for now, I can conclude this issue has certainly brought us all closer.

Rare moment when I saw Dad sobbed. The awkwardness came when we took a four person table and the seat next to Dad was empty. He took charge of the opening prayer as usual and thats when his voice kind of soften and broke away.

Dad cried.

My heart simply soured every time I recall that moment. Mushy as it sounds, but I could vividly feel the tremendous amount of love in that trembling voice. I can't imagine the day when Ma really leaves us for good, which unfortunately will come one day.

Hopefully by then, I've become a mother. She has experienced the joy of becoming a grandma, carried her long awaited grandchildren, watch me graduated from uni. , married to a Godly man just like dad, financially secure, able to manage my time and money for good and never have to let her worry anymore.

Perhaps by then, I shall have no time for blogs.
There shall be no need for strength to write such sorrows.

ＯＳＴ of my life

2009-03-16T07:10:00.000-07:00

Shakespeare once said "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages."

Seven ages...meaning 70 years old. That's the exact number which the bible pointed out as well. Meaning I have slightly less than a century to live till the ideal age. (if one's lifespan could be this idiotically predicted)

Then I started imagine my life playing out by itself on screen....on heaven channel.

While it probably will have its fair share of heart wrenching, hilarious, ridiculous, amusing, fury, face-tearing, emotionally shaking, bewildering... the list goes on... moments just like everyone's. I wondered which music pieces could actually be added into the visual record of my life to enhance every scene.

Which is why the random thought of the "OST of my life".

The following songs have been painstakingly screened and handpicked.
*subjected to change

The day I was born :
Ａｍａｚｉｎｇ　ｇｒａｃｅ　

Ａｄｖｅｎｔｕｒｏｕｓ：　Ｈｏｗｌ＇ｓ　ｍｏｖｉｎｇ　ｃａｓｔｌｅ　ｔｈｅｍｅ　

Busy: An American in Paris George Gershwin

Searching for answers to love:
"Way back into love" Music and Lyrics OST

The day we started to notice one another :
"L-O-V-E" Nat King Cole / Dance of the reed fairies - Tchaikovsky / How deep is your love? Bee Gees

Ｆｒｅｎｓ　Ｍｏｍｅｎｔ：
＂Ｉ＇ｌｌ　ｂｅ　ｔｈｅｒｅ　ｆｏｒ　ｙｏｕ＂　　Ｆｒｉｅｎｄｓ　ＯＳＴ

Ｆｒｕｓｔｒａｔｅｄ：
Ｂｅ　ｓｔｉｌｌ，　ｍｙ　ｓｏｕｌ　／

Ｌｏｓｔ：　Ｂｅ　Ｔｈｏｕ　ｍｙ　ｖｉｓｉｏｎ　/ Alone Bee Gees

Confused about you:
"Out of reach" Gabrielle / “不要害怕”王力宏 /Ｓｈｏｕｌｄ　Ｉ　ｓｔａｙ？梦飞船 / Alone Bee gees

Chill out:
“让我想一想”陈绮贞／　＂Ｃ＇ｅｓｔ　Ｓｉ　Ｂｏｎ＂　Ｏｎｏ　Ｌｉｓａ　／Ｌｕｃｙ＇ｓ　ｅｙｅｓ／More than a woman Bee Gees

Cute: Sing a song Carpenters / Yellow Submarine Beatles

Ｅｘｔｒｅｍｅｌｙ　ｐｌｅａｓｅｄ：“天天好心情”梦飞船　/ Staying Alive Bee Gees /More than a woman Bee Gees / Top of the world Carpenters

Happy deep inside: Peter and the wolf - Peter's theme / Dance of the reed fairies - Tchaikovsky

Cool:
LUV LUV　ＬＵＶ　范文芳　／＂Ａｑｕａｒｅｌａ　Ｄｏ　Ｂｒａｓｉｌ＂Ｇａｌ　Ｃｏｓｔａ　/ Staying Alive Bee Gees

Proud: The Nutcracker Act1 Scene 1 No.2 - The March

Ｃｈｉｌｄｉｓｈ：
“很多鸭”旺福 / Dance of the swans - The nutcracker

Slowly falling in love with you:
"Something there" Beauty and the beast OST

The day you decided to approach me :
"Meguri Ai" Chage & Aska　／＂Ｓｏ　ｎｉｃｅ＂Ｂｅｂｅｌ　Ｇｉｂｅｒｔｏ　／　Ｓａｙ　Ｙｅｓ　Ｃｈａｇｅ　＆　Ａｓｋａ
Can't take my eyes off you

Misunderstood:
"Don't get me wrong" Pretenders　／＂Ｓｈｅ　ｉｓ＂Ｃｌａｓｓｉｑｕｅ　　/ When you're love with a beautiful woman Dr. Hook /

Our Quarrels:
"Hear me cry" Utada Hikaru / “两个人并不等于我们”王力宏／“不值得”梦飞船　／＂Ｔｈａｔ　ｔｈｉｎｇ　ｙｏｕ　ｄｏ！＂　Ｔｈｅ　ｗｏｎｄｅｒｓ　

Our first date:
"Love Song" Chage & Aska / “你是我心里的一首歌”王力宏&Selina／＂一人一半＂８８１ＯＳＴ/ Dream a little dream of me - Louis Armstrong

Certain of my feelings:
"At the beginning" Anastasia OST / Those good old dreams Carpenters

Lazy:
"Winnie the Pooh theme" ／＂Ｒｅｃｉｐｅ　ｆｏｒ　ｍａｋｉｎｇ　ｌｏｖｅ＂Ｈａｒｒｙ　Ｃｏｎｎｉｃｋ / Peter and the wolf - Duck and cat's theme

My first day at work:
"Pieces of dream" Chemistry　／＂Ｒｅｄ　Ｂｌｏｕｓｅ＂Ｏｎａ　Ｌｉｓａ　　

Ｓｎｅａｋｙ:
"Arabian Nights" Aladdin OST　／Ｄｅｓｃｅｎｄａｎｔ　ｏｆ　Ｓｈｉｎｏｂｉ　ＦＦＶＩＩ　ＯＳＴ　/ Rhapsody in Blue George Gershwin / Peter and the wolf - Peter's theme / Dance of the sugar plum fairies Tchaikosky/

Ｂｒｅａｋｕｐｓ：
“你走也好”梦飞船　／＂Ｓｍｉｌｅ＂Ｏｎａ　Ｌｉｓａ　/ Emotions Bee Gees

Indulging in the wonders of nature:
"Point of no return" Chemistry / The blue Danube waltz Strauss

Ｔｈｅ　ｄａｙ　ｙｏｕ　ｐｒｏｐｏｓｅｄ：
＂Ｉ　ｗａｎｎａ　ｂｅ　ｗｉｔｈ　ｙｏｕ＂　Ｍａｎｄｙ　Ｍｏｏｒｅ／　＂Ｉ＇ｍ　ｙｏｕｒｓ＂Ｊａｓｏｎ　Ｍｒａｚ　／

The day I get married :
"We've only just began" Carpenters

Motherhood: Somewhere over the rainbow / Sing a song Carpenters

Picking myself from failure:
"Rainbow" Fukuyama Masaharu /“改变自己” 王力宏

Rushing off to work:
"Ride on time" Yamashita Tatsuro

@ Somewhere tropical!:
"Forever" Beach Boys OST Sorimachi Takashi　／Ｌｉｖｉｎ＇ｔｈｉｎｇ　

Buried in sorrows:
"Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence" Ryuchi Sakamoto / “青花瓷” 周杰伦／Ｔｈｉｓ　ｉｓ　ｍｙ　ｆａｔｈｅｒ＇ｓ　ｗｏｒｌｄ　／Swan's lake - The nutcracker

Drained: Yesterday Beatles / Hey Jude Beatles

Ｓａｓｓｙ：还珠格格主题歌

Stressed: Piano Concerto in F George Gershwin / The sorcerer's Apprentice - Disney

Impatient: Peter and the wolf - Grandpa's theme / Tea (chinese dance) The nutcracker

Little touching moments:
"Small Happiness" Love letter OST Remedios　／Ｃｏｕｎｔｒｙ　Ｒｏａｄ　（Ｖｏｌｉｎ　ｉｎｓｔｒｕｍｅｎｔａｌ）　Ｗｈｉｓｐｅｒ　ｏｆ　ｔｈｅ　Ｈｅａｒｔ　ＯＳＴ

Oriental Moments:
"The last emperor" David Bryne /“心中的日月”王力宏

Long strolls during my golden years:
"Sound of the island" Il Postina OST　／＂Ｐｒｅｔｔｙ　ｗｏｒｌｄ＂　Ｏｎｏ　Ｌｉｓａ　／＂Ａｎｄ　Ｉ　ｌｏｖｅ　ｙｏｕ　ｓｏ＂Ｐｅｒｒｙ　Ｃｏｓｍｏ　　

Nature trails during my youthful days:
"Bicycle" Il Postina OST / “太聪明” 陈绮贞

Reminiscing:
"路小雨"不能说的秘密OST / “菊花台” 周杰伦 /琵琶语 instrumental/ Close to you Carpenters

Wacky: "魔术先生"周杰伦 /The entertainer Scott Joplin

Puzzle:"W-H-Y" 王力宏

Farewells: "You'll be in my heart" Disney Tarzen OST

Ｃｈｒｉｓｔｍａｓｙ：
＂Ｈａｐｐｙ　Ｈｏｌｉｄａｙｓ＂　Ｃａｒｐｅｎｔｅｒｓ　／“Ｗｉｎｔｅｒ　ｗｏｎｄｅｒｌａｎｄ＂Ｃａｒｐｅｎｔｅｒｓ　／＂Ｈａｖｅ　ｙｏｕｒｓｅｌｆ　ａ　ｍｅｒｒｙ　ｃｈｒｉｓｔｍａｓ＂Ｏｎａ　Ｌｉｓａ　／＂Ｌｅｔ　ｉｔ　ｓｎｏｗ＂Ｏｎａ　Ｌｉｓａ　

Fast: Minute Waltz Chopin

Furious: Montagues and Capulets Prokofiev's Romeo and Juliet

In a panic: "Rain" The last emperor OST Ryuchi Sakamoto / Eight memories in watercolour Op. 1 Lang Lang (Staccato) / Peter and the wolf- bird's theme / Marriage of Figaro Mozart / Hungarian Dance No. 5 Brahms /

Ｉｎ　ｆｅａｒ：＂Ｏｎｅ　ｗｉｎｇｅｄ　Ａｎｇｅｌ＂ＦＦＶＩＩ　ＯＳＴ / Fantasie Impromptu Op. 66 Chopin

In Trouble: Peter and the wolf - wolf's theme/ Firebird Suite - Stravinsky

Dying moment: "Forrest Gump theme" Forrest Gump OST　／Ｊｕｓｔ　ａ　ｃｌｏｓｅｒ　ｗａｌｋ　ｗｉｔｈ　ｔｈｅｅ　／Gabriel's Oboe Yoyo ma

Its really quite a mess up there and IF there be the time for me to do it. I might just rearrange it nicely.

Sent for servicing

2009-03-15T07:02:00.000-07:00

God has been leaving a trails of service since the start of year 2009. Its been a real eventful learning journey since I was involved in a few ministries since July 2008.

I thank God for giving me the opportunity to try my hands at different stuff, ironically I was never too keen to take up teaching in church since I'm going to do that during my office hours to come.

Ever since he opened the doors for me when I joined BBPC in 2003, there has been no turning back. Thought that I should actually list down the ministries God has permit me to try out and reflect on them.

2003:
- Children's choir pianist

2004:
-1723 pianist
-1723 Publicity i/c
-1723 brothers week i/c

2005:
-1723 pianist
-1723 notice board (Me and tze serving together)

2006:
-1723 pianist
-1723 Publicity

2007:
-1723 pianist
-Fellowship secretary
- June Camp Programmes i/c
- Dec Camp commander

2008:
-1723 Pianist
-Choir member
-1723 group leader
-Choir alto group leader
-Church mission month publicity

2009:
-Children's choir pianist
-Youth fellowship pianist
-Church mission trip publicity
-Choir website and publicity i/c *
-Youth fellowship programmes*

*Tentatively

Looking back at the posts God has given me, its really not difficult to see where He has in mind for me. Equipped mainly with aesthetic skills, my services revolve mainly around publicity, music and "ideas" based roles. There has also been alot of other nitty gritty tiny services such as skit acting, mission trips (children involved), talking...games...

Its wonderful how God allows such services to gear us even for the real world out there. I come to learn about this quite well during my practicum where I realised skills and experiences I've gathered from years of service benefited me in the most unexpected ways. And yes, I do realise God does give me the love for children (esp. the tiny ones) and wisdom to deal with them .

But such self realisation didnt come by easy. I remembered 2006 was a year of tough struggle.
Felt really empty because chances were stripped off one by one. I guess up to that point of time, serving was more of self gratification rather than God centered.

God was swift in disciplining me. He wanted me to comprehend the meaning of service clearly. And honestly, my heart was not ready at that point of time. Was looking for "preferred" services such as music ministry, demanding God to grant me to remain in my comfort zone. But He wanted to push me further, stretch me way much more.

I remembered sobbing in my heart that night on the eve of year 2006 where the speaker spoke about surrendering to God. His message threw me into deep retrospection of my serving attitude and got me really thinking. I was breaking down inside.

And thats when the Lord's disciplining hand was lifted from me. I was approached by then fellowship leader to be 1723 secretary. While thrilled to be part of the ex. committee for the first time, I had my hesitations due to past bad experience. And well, I guess just to prevent me from feeling over pleased with myself, I coincidentally discovered myself to be a back up choice of another person.

Though hurt at the point (my poor leader had to endure my rumblings ), I'm glad that God didn't forgo me despite my sourness. 22 years old and I have yet to contain a right humble attitude.

Skip skip jump jump.

I guess through the ups and downs of life, God has taught me to let him take total control. And I'm beginning to do it bit by bit. Long gone are my preferences to ministries, and I've learned to step out of my comfort zone, venturing out into personal "unchartered waters". Miraculously, I've come to adapt to anything He gives me.

Lo and behold, imagine my joy when God allowed me to step back into my first love which is to be back as children's choir pianist! I guess deep down inside, I've always wanted to work with children and music. *Even when I teach chinese, I try infusing music into it. Ha!

To actually be approached by the person who rejected me years ago, I can only say God has been merciful and never forgets. He's indeed generous in his blessing.

Great is thy faithfulness

blank beauty

2009-03-15T06:43:00.000-07:00

Mind has been as blank as the patch above recently. Some kind soul has smsed almost the entire fellowship regarding mum. Frankly I would appreciate if the person(s) lets me know beforehand. While I'm open about having people to ask me, but to actually release all information without my pre-knowledge...

Yesterday

2009-03-12T09:03:00.000-07:00

"This is the day that the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it."
Psalms 118: 24

Was once told that the only constant is change. Men do, God don't. Things have taken a turn for the worse, am learning to hold onto the verse above.

Shaken and hurt.

Still I learn to rejoice and be glad. I thank God for
1) letting mum discover it earlier
2) the cancerous lumps to be in stage 1
3) for mum's stable emotions despite it all
4) dad's strength to hold the family together
5) Doc fung's wisdom in guiding me to voice out my sorrows
6) Hannah's companionship
7) Getting an operation slot within this month
8) Countless friends who's deeply concerned and praying for us
9) Bringing the family closer through this event
10) granting me outlets to let it out

Meanwhile, I ask God that...
Mum could be spared from chemotherapy. Cancer cells have not spread. Minimum complications. Strength and health for us all. Good time management to handle my academics amidst all these.

This is tougher than I thought.

Tomorrow

2009-03-10T09:48:00.000-07:00

"This is the day that the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it."
Psalms 118: 24

Tomorrow's the day where the biopsy results will be released. I'm not exactly nervous, however the multiple sms of concerns from friends has ironically increased the tension. I guess it can't be help with the fact that I'm constantly reminded.

But I'm the kind of girl who rather face the music.

Only times of trouble and sorrow allow one to witness true friends. Told Hannah how touched I was to know a number who're truly concerned with ma's condition. And boy, aren't some the least expected ones...

Ma has been miraculously positive all this while. Cheerfully doing "pre-operation" preparations such as stocking up household products for the coming 4 weeks, purchasing papa's medications and stuff.
She has matured mentally and spiritually indeed.

With this fresh ounce of God given strength in her, how can we not pull through this?

Out of reach

2009-03-09T09:25:00.000-07:00

Things are getting out of reach. Gabrielle's song could well be the current soundtrack of my life.

So confused, my heart's bruised.

I wish I could smile genuinely at life and maintain the cheerful deposition that I've always aim to uphold. Amidst the frustration, there's burden from family and academics. Its sure tough fulfilling so many roles at one go. Can't imagine the time when I become a full fledge teacher.

Feel sorry towards God. I knew I made tonnes of prayer proclaiming my staunch faith in Him. Now its wavering more than ever because of the things I'm seeing. I've heard nothing I must admit, but my mind has been playing endless games deep inside.

Got to get a grip and move on.

A voice from the heart

2009-03-04T06:56:00.000-08:00

Speechless

异“性“相吸

2009-03-03T23:24:00.000-08:00

最近没什么时间灵修，确实感到愧疚。不过上帝也真的很怜悯我和一家，虽然经融风暴席卷全球但是我们仍然能够照旧过日子，三餐温饱。ok啦，人生没有任何奢求……爸爸妈妈就是那么简朴的人。

很佩服他们的节俭，俩夫妻果然是上帝结合的。没见过那么合拍的排挡，哈哈！从他们身上完全领悟到“两个成为一体”的含义，别想歪！我是指从他们身上真正体会到什么叫做“互补”。从表层来看，真的难以想象他们是怎么选择彼此……无论性格、兴趣、观点、志向等等，许多零零碎碎的细节都有差距。

不过

他们却存有共同的价值观，根深蒂固的价值观——敬畏神、以上帝为中心的生命。也正因如此，两人才能走到今天。看着他们，心中总有无限的感慨和佩服。

妈妈最近一直担心我的终身大事，不光是她……连婆婆、大姨、二姨、三姑六婆等闲人士都非常操心喔~我也不怪他们啦，毕竟他们都闲着没事做。:p 妈妈经常埋怨，认为我太挑了。不断地提醒：“你长得比较有肉，有男生追就应该把握机会。女人一过了25岁，身价会掉的！”

牙尖嘴利的我总会反驳：“你‘身价’的定义是什么？” 妈妈便知道自己给自己挖了个坑……

日光之下无新事。21世纪的男人虽然大多所受的教育更高，但仍然是肉眼动物。有多少个真的是慧眼型的？我可能像是“吃不到葡萄，说葡萄酸”，不过这样的结论并非单从个人的经历油然而生。

教会中有好多位出色的姐妹仍然单身，我怎么想还是搞不明白。无论外貌、身材、为人、教育水平或是事业都不错，但感情生活就是没有着落。细想之下，真的觉得教会姐妹要找伴侣果然比外人难上加难。对方除了必须是位弟兄，还得是个虔诚的基督徒。单是这两个，就等于寻找人间极品。

回想起个人的经历，我承认自己非常挑剔。做朋友没什么，但要提升到更高一层，别说别人，我自己都难以克服心中的无形要求。有时真觉得可笑，如此挑剔的我尽然好几次让人误会喜欢“他”。

请别误会我的友善！友人与情人之间的界限，我可是划得非常清楚。

Come to think about it. Its quite frustrating. Why is it so impossible for guys and girls to experience true platonic friendships. Such a wonderful relationship often ends up being tainted with hidden agendas and that really sour things up doesn't it?

Ride on time

2009-03-02T05:15:00.000-08:00

Finally am done with the Ancient Chinese Grammar paper today. Its been an extremely hectic and draining week especially when one has to juggle between 3 important areas of one's life - family, church and academics.

I thank God for pulling me through during this difficult period. Its still difficult just that with God's strength, it always get more than bearable. Same for that certain aspect of my life. Had a good chat with big sister the other day haha. Two of us picking one another up. Its amazing how similar we are in many ways - same choice of career path, same values, same silly sense of humour, same outlook on life, same experience in many ways *erhem.

Did I mention that I've been getting encouraging verses from God during this recent period. Have been receiving these daily encouraging emails from the prayer meeting committee. Here's one which was really quite uplifting:

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us" ~Ephesians 3:20

Ha and isn't that exactly my problem. I really CANNOT imagine how things will take off. Its been a really long wait with its fair share of ups and downs. Given the limited time and "hit and miss" I really cannnot comprehend the beauty of it all. But yet I'm holding onto the belief that something wonderful will blossom out of it all.

May all these verses and the circumstances that God has meticulously placed are leading us onto the right path. After all, nothing happens by coincidence.

Phrased Differently

2009-02-27T20:43:00.001-08:00

Recipe for love

1^st Stanza:

Adam and Eve will never believe that, we break the speed of sound.

Cause they’re too naïve to even conceive that, we get off the ground.

Wasn’t so far back then, we found out the world was round.

And now we’ve been to the moon and back, we still haven’t found…

the recipe for love...the recipe for love…recipe for love.

I’m hoping that one day we will find, the recipe for love.

2^nd Stanza:

I’ve read every book, in the library I’ve looked and

I still don’t understand. Is it biology, physics and chemistry?

But I can rightly guess, it wasn’t so far back then, we found out the world was round.

And now we’ve been to the moon and back, we still haven’t found…

the recipe for love...the recipe for love…recipe for love. No no…

I’m hoping that one day we will find, the recipe for love.

Bridge:

Maybe some magic and some modesty, (there isn’t just some guarantee)

Have some patience and just You and Me.

Still Adam and Even, they couldn’t believe that we get off the ground.

Now we’ve been to the moon and back, we still haven’t found…

the recipe for love...the recipe for love…recipe for love. Oh yeah…

For love yeah, for love yeah, baby baby baby….recipe for love…woah…

We still haven’t found (baby baby baby) we still haven’t found (baby baby baby),

I’m hoping that we won’t need to find

The recipe for love. Yeah….

Above are the lyrics to a song "Recipe for love" composed by this group of budding musicians who have yet to publish and develop their works. More can be found on their smashing flash site : click me

Catchy tune, witty lines.

overflowing uncertainties

2009-02-26T00:12:00.000-08:00

"life is like a box of chocolates, you'll never know what you're going to get."
Forrest Gump

I've never understood this statement. Or rather, was ever convinced. How can one no know what he or she was getting if one has read the label well. Exclude the multi-flavored ones like merci, even if one were to close the eyes, fish into the entire box of ferrero rocher , one will still pick out a spherical chocolate instead of getting a bar like kit kat.

VERSUS

So NO, i didn't see how life was like a box of chocolates.

But its certainly well packed with uncertainties. Which leads me to reflect on what a mundane person I have become. Used to love surprises and experience unexpected events popping up @ every corner of my life...but as years past, come to succumb to simplicity and familiarity more and more.

And now, I've come to detest uncertainties especially those concerning my beloved's and my future.

Yada-ed so much to come to the main point:

Accompanied mum to the clinic today for the diagnosis. Suspected cancerous lump (worst fear), got a referral letter ("direct access" = urgent case) from polyclinic to NUH. Going for surgical analysis tomorrow and till then, should be able to determine whether her situation is acute or not. Try to squeeze in an operation slot asap.

Done. Finally mumbled out what I wanted to say all along.

small happiness

2009-02-24T07:04:00.000-08:00

Have been really uplifted by the short stories and verses I've got from QT.

Mark 4:28-29
²⁸"The earth produces by itself, first the blade, then the ear, then the full grain in the ear. ²⁹But when the grain is ripe, at once he puts in the sickle, because the harvest has come."

It's been stirring ripples in my heart.

Bottom-line of the 23rd entry: "We sow the seed - God produces the harvest."

Bringing to mind, my life story as compared to that of a process of farming: months of waiting coming to an end and workers stream into the fields to help with the harvest.

A perfect parable that illustrates how faith (like a seedling) needs time to develop.

I do wish that the "the harvest has come." Cause if it does, it's one seedling that took 5-6 years to blossom. I must admit I've not been praying diligently throughout these years, giving it up countless times, endless tears that has been dripped.

It's a really strange feeling with multiple questions bursting...the crucial one being:

will it be "the right person" or the "right time". Either one brings a whole different meaning to it all, and I honestly have NO preferences. contrary to popular belief.

Life's like an intricate puzzle which is kinda messy right now. But I believe God will piece things all up neatly and till then, after all He has a bird eye's view of my entire life.

Mirror image

2009-02-23T06:41:00.001-08:00

Hannah finds it interesting that how a simple blog layout like mine is so heavily laden with melancholic writings.

Really?

Implorations

2009-02-23T06:17:00.000-08:00

Accompied mum to Gleneagles today. Radiology department was hidden away in some basement of the annex block.

Despite it being one of the pioneer private hospitals, known to cater specially for the wealthy and powerful...the interior looked more than rundown to me. Not only was it not "navigation-friendly", there was this unexplainable eerie aura looming over the entire building. And walls simply smell eww.....damp. I could imagine it as one of the convenient settings used in one of the silent hill series or something. *Strange looking statues decked out in many of the private clinics in those dark corners.

Well that's not the point.

The entire checkup plus waiting time took about 2 hours. Mama is required to go through an operation asap. I'm glad I accompanied her, her hands felt cold throughout.

I've been sobbing quite recently. Quiet time, playing the piano, listening to music and even while bathing. I guess I'm kind of afraid too. But I can't let mum knows. She's paranoid enough, I've got to be the strong one. Of the very least, look like the part.