Its been a long time since my last input.
Have been getting random posts left on my chat box, apparently blog hopping.
Time shoose past and lo and behold it's coming to the end of another ministry year.
As I continue my work, and also reflect upon on the past work
loads of emotions just overwhelm as I recalled how the bad moments were more than good ones.
But Lord, you have been a merciful and just God.
You will not let your children suffer in vain, and as I felt so discouraged in my period of service, you have taken your time to slowly reveal how such mean inputs were really untrue and that I should not take one or two person's personal subjective perception pull me down.
Time takes it place and very soon, evil men just find themselves all alone and that the righteous will come together and rise against those who place themselves before God.
Lord, thank you for such people, for your time of moulding and how you've allowed me to go through moments of loneliness because that's what a leader will have to learn to endure most of the time.
And after rounds and rounds of bumping around, you've allowed me to serve as the next fellowship leader. It's one of the highest honour and I do pray that I will learn to draw even closer to you so that in times of difficult moments, in face of difficult people, I will turn to you for wisdom and endurance.
Lord, it'll be another busier year but I do believe that I will grow so much more from the process. In fact, I foresee that I will be so occupied I wonder where do I find the time to fulfil another longing in my heart which is to sincerely nurture a relationship with the one you have picked for me.
Though the person has yet to appear, or perhaps yet to take action, but I do wonder with all these duties at hand, how am I going to balance. But I do really enjoy the music (esp. pianist) ministry that you've allowed me to partake. I do know that I'm not a fantastic pianist and practice is the only way to go, but I'm thankful to you Lord for that opportunity.
And as I wait patiently once again for the Lord, let me be assured that I will not wait in vain.
Btw, latest update: Sister got her LSA scholarship and will be entering the military.
Wow
I tear the day I received her sms. Seeing how God allows second chances and your leading being so evident, I was really really touched. And so Lord, thank you for her testimony that enables me to push on. Lord, as the future seems so bleak, I do know that my hope lies in you and my focus right now is just to live my life while being sure that I long to have a family of my own. One that glorifies your name with a beloved man.
Lord, while I do honestly have a few faces in mind, I do need more wisdom and clearer directions from you to be able to see who is it that you've prepared for me, that I can be more involved and cooperate with you.
Met up recently with another friend of mine.
She has plans to get married but NO money.
It's really sad when couples like this crave so long for this day,
only to have their hopes dampen due to the expensive housing in Singapore.
And so, tick tock the time runs out as I find my determination to hang on slipping away.
My strength being sapped away day by day.
All in the name of FAITH..
all in the name of faith...
Old habits die hard.
The green eyed monster is back and more aggressive than ever.
But there's always 2 sides to a coin and its precisely because of such envy I get to see a clearer picture.
Prayfully all things will work out to be fine and jealousy will stir you into action and eventually a long awaited breakthrough.
Nothing is prefect Mr Caution. Time for your turn to be green.
比较平静
直到和朋友刚碰面，偶然发现原来对方已经不是处女。
而且超过一个人的经验。
世界真的变了，周遭的朋友都把这样的关系习以为常。
真的觉得世界变了。
爸爸说着也真的没什么震惊的。我想也是的。
Recently was doing my QT when I came across this article regarding feeling the nudge from God.
The article ended with the thought provoking question if I could felt any nudges from God recently.
As I sit back and reflect upon the recent happenings, bit by bit little episodes do make a little sense to me.
Nothing romantic, mainly practical issues that I have to face if we were to truly be together.
1. Independence strongly required
Was speaking to my GB captain the other day when she casually remarked how she gets home and cook dinner only to wait till 9pm before her husband returns from the hospital.
Have been going about running my errands all by myself this entire week. If not for the closeness with God, doubt I can feel satisfied inside. But thank God for His words which has filled up the empty spaces in my mind.
Was riding the escalator up LOT1 the other day when I suddenly had a thought which said:"You've got to learn to settle ALOT of stuff by yourself if you really wanted to be with him."
2. More money desperately required
Mum has been reminding me to save money and yes indeed I do resolute to do so after my Europe and Cameron highlands trip :p.
Why so? Visited my newly-wed captain (the same one) who has this beautiful designed apartment. Was so inspired, it revived my interest in interior design once again. And of course, such beauty doesn't come cheap. Which once again reminds me, if I were to seriously get married, time to save up!
3. More sacrifices ever required
Was sending back some students home the other day when I had the sudden thought that if I were to be married and become a mum, this was the kind of lifestyle I had to be prepared to go through - doing housework / fetching kids up and down / MUCH lesser "me time" and more time invested in children's studies.
Putting up with his old habits and negative traits, praying for his shortcomings, patience from me to tolerate and be forbearing.
4. Periodic pop ups of his presence
Last but not least, have been bumming into places which held certain meaning to me regarding him. His first official treat for me was at this eatery called Mr Bean (JP branch):
It wasn't deliberate just something natural. We both were early, or rather the sister was late. Awkward silence between us and suddenly he asked if I had dinner or not. Me no as usual, he insisted on getting me something. So we roamed around and I chose Mr Bean. Ordered 1 pancake and drink, he was on the phone with the sister and when we finally get to pay he realised that I only took these 2 items. Insisted that I get more and I frantically said no. Cashier lady kept smiling at us both, me embarrassed, he sweet.
Though it probably didn't mean anything much to him or he probably would have forgotten, its really these little things about him that touches.
I really do not know what the future holds. As I said, I've liked, I've gave up, I've moved up and yet I'm back. If not for the Lord's steering, I will not reconsider at all. But what the future holds, only the Lord knows. And as mentioned, I'm quite determine to make a final decision by end Nov.
No progress, no beginning.
An immensely poignant topic.
Recently got to know of two break ups and one beginning of a new r/s.
Funny thing is that, I was kind of sensing that something was amiss for the break ups even way before I got to know it myself.
Told Dad that this was a natural woman's instinct but he told me, it was a sensitivity built up over years of heartaches and experience.
His words stopped me in my train of thoughts and got me thinking hard.
As I self reflect, the changes that take place inside became more obvious: I was definitely more mature in the way I handled things, willing to compromise & understand where guys are coming from but most imptly, entrust my future in God's hands now.
I do feel sad for these ex-couples yet on the other hand, rejoice for their success stories. Success because the r/s has mould them into better beings, helped them to understand what they want clearer so that they can look forward to a improved self in the next r/s.
Then I thought about us. The many years of waiting, pondering and praying and still no progress despite the recent phone call you made due to my chronic illness.
This incident only helped me to realise why the inclination yet the situation remains as stagnant as ever. And as new people begin to trickle into my life, I pray that my eyes can be opened to see His direction, to hold or not to hold.
-Amen-
